i_am_ghost

And not one day earlier I had a different visitor. From the day I first saw her I turned to my friend and said to him "dude, if I were ever to cheat on Brittany, it would be with her". And I was heartbroken to learn that even though she was the same age as me, she was married. And we talked. And we got close. And it seemed like I was going to cheat on a long-term girlfriend and she would be cheating on a husband with whom she constantly fights with and has tried to leave (like this justifies anything). And I guess in a sense we did cheat, though not physically, the intention was there, and I think that's really enough.

And she left work to have a baby.

We've stayed friends. But as of last week it seems like it might be more. As wrong as it is. She came around after work, and we sat in the drive way while the baby slept in the car. For two hours. Talking, and keeping each other warm in what ever way possible. My food got cold.

I could never have a proper relationship with her. Primarily because of the husband factor, but also because we're just completely different people. We both know this. That doesn't stop the physical attraction from being there.

And a day later... the rest happens. Thursday night.. Friday night..

Today I had to have the talk. I was avoiding it, and would've continued avoiding it had she not texted me asking me what was going on. And just like the last time, I've hurt her again. This is the first time I've ever been on this end of the situation. I'm usually the one being told no. I am completely apathetic towards her because I know exactly how it feels. But at the same time I can't pretend that I feel more for her than I do.

So that is that.