i_am_brucelee

Playing hooky today. Felt like I needed one more day of weekend. Plus I have a ton of freelance work I'm doing.
I've been pretty depressed lately. Not sure why. Just life I suppose. nothing in particular, I don't even have it that bad. It could be worse for sure. But I guess thats why they call being depressed a disorder. The older I get the more sure I am that I have some form of mental disorder. It seems like my thought process is so much different than anyone elses that I am around or work with. even if we come to the same conclusion, i feel that the way I get there is much different. I regularly have thoughts of suicide, though i dont think i would ever act on them. at least right now. i couldnt bear the thought of what that would do to my parents. I'm overweight and i know that has some to do with it. i just dont have the motivation. i want to go exercise but... le sigh. ive been trying to eat better and have been doing... ok at it. not a total health nut, but not eating shit food all the time either. i guess i just need to find something that i like doing that is active. i like playing sports, but every one i like is a team game and there are jsut not enough people that want to get together and play ball or whatever. well i guess i should stop my pity party and get back to work. thanks for reading if you did.