hysan

This reminds me why I need to spend less time on the internet.

So, less than 2 months ago, a friend cut me loose. This was
after I realized I was fucking up with my gf, got on antidepressants, and generally got my life together. This same friend still lives with her parents, has major social anxiety, pops a pill for every possible problem, and has a tendency to start up faux relationships with any guy on the internet who shows the least bit of interest. She admitted to a mutual friend (and then, of course, denied it outright, only to backpedal and say she didn't "remember" saying it...a sure Bush-ism if I've ever heard one) that she was probably using me as a surrogate boyfriend.

In only a month I took a good look at our 7 year friendship, how she trashed me to people she knew were friends of mine in an attempt to gain allies, how she tried to act like everything was just hunky dory when I finally made some semblance of peace with her (just because I forgive someone does not mean they are my friend or someone I would ever break bread with again), and realized....she's friggin' nuts.

So, she made friends with a guy she blatantly said she wasn't hot for, who she outright said was ugly, and now she's hooking up with him. Probably because she has a serious skin condition caused by the interactions of her soupcon of medications and she figures he won't judge her. I'm convinced she'll get into a relationship of convenience to keep from being alone.

For the longest time, she basically made me one of her few outlets into the real world, judged my relationship, and basically made everything all about _her_. I'm convinced with me gone, she's rushing to fill the vacuum. What she's going to discover is that you can't play these kinds of games with people's emotions. I almost really hope this doesn't end in disaster and she's forced to be in a relationship, a REAL relationship, which doesn't involve "being hot" for someone, and takes real work.

But I've seen this behavior before. Not to sound egotistical, but I tend to have one of two effects on people. They love me to death, or they can't stand me. Sometimes it happens with the same person! I was a big chunk of her life, and she tossed me aside. Mainly because I was one of the few people who could tell her what she was really up to.

She only has one other friend who refuses to tell her that her shit doesn't stink, and she resents the hell out of her, secretly.

And yeah, I'm offended by it. I feel like she WAS using me as a surrogate boyfriend, and basically couldn't go a month without trying to replace me. It's really sick.