Sunday Jul 17, 2005

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....is it bad that i just want everything to be easy?

i want money. nice furniture. nice clothes. funky townhouse. trips to europe. time to burn with sniggitysnags.

you can find the funky house i want at www.mwesthomes.com

you can find the furniture i want at www.ligne-roset.com

you can find the clothes i want at www.bcbg.com

sometimes i feel like i dont belong. sort of like i am the antithesis of the american dream. is it weird that i don't want children? that i dont want to go to college? that i just want to be filthy stinking rich? that i want to have whatever i want without struggle?

it makes me sad that i lack a completely kindred spirit. it also makes me wonder why everything i want is so outlandish to nearly every other girl my age.

for example, i was talking to someone about buying a house and how i would be damned if i was to ever buy outside the perimeter. she thought i was crazy because she said i could get "more for your money" in the surburbs.

but for me it isnt more. the suburbs choke me. i love waking up and going to my window and seeing the skyline sprawl out before me. i love urban parks and urban sprawl. you couldnt pay me a million dollars to give that up. i love where i live, and i love being alone with my fiance. love that it's us against the world, and sometimes, us at peace with our world.

another thing that puzzles me is financial planning. i am totally flexible on prices. it depends on what i feel i'm getting for my money. i find what i want, or what we need, find out how much it is, and figure out how we can make it work. and 9 times out of 10, it works. i'm cool with 90% success rate. if i'm paying $XXX for my car, you know what, i dont give a flying crap. because we made it work, it's a fabulous car, it will last a long time, and it's exactly what we wanted. if i found this awesome house (which i did), but it is $XXX,XXX , i'll save for a year, put some money down, and we'll find a way. i just feel like there is always a way to make it work if you want it badly enough.

argh im rambly and venting. so there you have it. my inner monologue, in black and white. blackeyed
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vanuslux:
I've had friends try to get me to move out of the perimeter, citing that I'd get a lot more for my money out there. I keep explaining that if I didn't want to live in the city, I would have just stayed in Asheville. I love having pretty much anything I could possibly want within a five minute walking range. I'd rather stay in this crappy little apartment in Little Five Points than live in a place outside the perimeter that has twice the size with all the amenities. I understand there are those who appreciate quiet and solitude and stuff like that but I like living in the thick of things.

Anyway, the point is that you're not alone in not being able to stomach the thought of living OTP.
andreaandrea:
I'm sorry i missed your b-day frown I've been out of the loop lately with school and such.
I often feel i don't belong or fit in in many situations/places. this is what freaks me about my business degree...I'm almost asking not to fit in again. but it's going to be the best thing to pay off my loans...ugh. I'm just hoping to hook up with a good company with lots of freedom and good pay, ha, wish me luck!
Chin up smile

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