hyenahell

they were supposed to start letting folks return to my part of town this week. dunno if that's going to happen now.

well, when the hell are they going to let us back in?

although i'm not coming back to stay. i keep having to reming myself that. i'm coming back to hurriedly back up my things, provided i still have things (ha ha- i still don't even know yet! yay!). then leave. maybe forever. fuck.

i still feel like i'm choking. when i read about fucking soldiers in the street, armed to keep the peace. martial law. enforced curfews- you can't be in the city overnight, they're saying. this is my home. fuck. fuck. fuck. not anymore.

we made an offer for the house. it's a good house. provided there isn't something terribly wrong with it. well, we'll find that out when the inspector comes this week. that doesn't seem real either. it's so... permanent.

this place can never be my home. it isn't right. how did i end up here? hell, how did i end up buying a house here? i don't belong here. not at all.

i don't know. i'm choking. still. choking. every time i think about it. choking down anger. choking down disgust. i think i am choking on tears. i have not cried. not once. and i won't. not until i go home.

love. all.
-Hyena.