been having vivid dreams. usually three a night. escalating in both wierdness and scariness with each episode. odd. quite odd. i can't even begin to fucking detail this shit. and i remember it all pretty well, which is suprising. woke up from the last one with my heart fucking thumping, somewhere in my stomach region, i believe. something's off about it all. lots of people i know are in them. some of them take place in some non-existant, alternate past. some of them take place in real places. or at least the dream-version of real places. lots of secrecy; a forboding-type feeling; ominous, that's the word... fucking ominous as all get out.
a bit of it. me and mel at the end of one dream climbing up this slippery hill. i think there was oil on the road. kept getting worse, we had to claw our way up. and that man. the one that's in all the scary dreams i have, i think he was behind, pushing. i don't even want to fucking think about some of the other parts.
i think too much.
way too much.
especially about dreams.
threw me off kilter all day. yet for some reason, all i want to do is sleep. even with the dreams. it's terrifying, but addictively so. in that "what happens next?" kind of way. i imagine if i could get scared by movies, it would be like this. where you can't stop watching.
i wish i could find out who that fucking man is. i swear i'd kill him. he's always in my head.
i've been beating my head against the wall. proverbially and literally. all day i've felt like i was split in two. mini-cycles within a cycle, i think. like my mania's playing good cop/bad cop. if that makes sense to anyone but me.
fuck it. i had work to do this week, but i slept it all away. or pissed around, pacing and muttering and playing card games by myself. fuck it.
tomorrow i'm - no, today. this evening. going to the show. flogging molly and hot water music. then to work. at eight a.m. or so on saturday, i'll be 23.
yup.
i fucking hate birthdays. as an aside. a non-sequiter.
anyway. right now i'm going to try and calm down and go to sleep. big day tomorrow and all. anyone planning on going to the show (Gosifer), i'll try and meet up with you in the quarter. if not, i'll be at snake's later that night. 1a.m. - 'til.
cheers.
-Hyena.
a bit of it. me and mel at the end of one dream climbing up this slippery hill. i think there was oil on the road. kept getting worse, we had to claw our way up. and that man. the one that's in all the scary dreams i have, i think he was behind, pushing. i don't even want to fucking think about some of the other parts.
i think too much.
way too much.
especially about dreams.
threw me off kilter all day. yet for some reason, all i want to do is sleep. even with the dreams. it's terrifying, but addictively so. in that "what happens next?" kind of way. i imagine if i could get scared by movies, it would be like this. where you can't stop watching.
i wish i could find out who that fucking man is. i swear i'd kill him. he's always in my head.
i've been beating my head against the wall. proverbially and literally. all day i've felt like i was split in two. mini-cycles within a cycle, i think. like my mania's playing good cop/bad cop. if that makes sense to anyone but me.
fuck it. i had work to do this week, but i slept it all away. or pissed around, pacing and muttering and playing card games by myself. fuck it.
tomorrow i'm - no, today. this evening. going to the show. flogging molly and hot water music. then to work. at eight a.m. or so on saturday, i'll be 23.
yup.
i fucking hate birthdays. as an aside. a non-sequiter.
anyway. right now i'm going to try and calm down and go to sleep. big day tomorrow and all. anyone planning on going to the show (Gosifer), i'll try and meet up with you in the quarter. if not, i'll be at snake's later that night. 1a.m. - 'til.
cheers.
-Hyena.
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I think it's def. my new fav. piece of clothing, def. the most expensive.