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I just had a fart that lasted longer than my last three relationships. So...either I need to start eating better or dating better.
1

I took a shower at my parent's house last night. They have a towel warmer. A TOWEL WARMER! I don't have heat, and they have a towel warmer!

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As I've gotten older, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" has gone from "Oh, that's cute!" to "Oh. That's rape." Seriously...what IS in that drink?!