Sunday June 26, 2011
Tl;dr: questions and thoughts. It doesnt make sense, dont read it.
Another weekend has gone bye. It has been two months since I last held a proper position that I have called employment. It was on a movie called Rock Jocks. There was a good cast but thats not the blog to write about right now. But I guess it does relate as to my current situation. I am unemployed. Although I do not want to admit that it is not affecting myself, but it has.
There is a personal judgment that goes through my mind every single day. Why do you not have a job? Are you not a capable person that you dont have a job? What is wrong with you? It is a broken record that plays in my mind. Find a job. Do something with your life. You have a degree. Everyone has graduated; you had a semester before them, yet you still do not have a job. Why?
You go through the same routine day after day. I avoid my parents shop. There it is, I will admit it. I avoid it. Why? I do not want to work with my brother, mom, dad and uncles. I did it for three months. I have tested that water. The outcome was unsatisfactory and one of the main reasons I do not go back; my brother. Although with me working for them the family was happy, but I was not. I was restless. I wanted to do something with my life. I was not happy just working for the family. My brother did not like being pushed towards the back fixing the motors day after day. He felt as if he was not wanted there when I was working. Even my uncle told my parents. I want Hung to work here, I dont care if he leaves. That statement eventually led to me working less then not showing up at all. My brother has moved from the back to the front and is now handling the paperwork and dealing with customers. For that I am happy for him. He is participating in the business.
There is a feeling though, that he does not like working here. It might just be a fleeting thought at the time, but he has mentioned it a few times. What if he goes back to his old company? He sure as hell would make a lot more money. Every time he mentions it though, as selfish as it may seem, I think about what will happen to me. At the age of 24 still living under my parents roof, what if I had to work for them for the rest of my life. Can I do it? Will I do it?
Why do you not just pick up and leave? Leave it all, fuck it, be homeless. If you are so unhappy with everything leave. Cowardice? Culture? Tradition? Family? Responsibility?
There was an answer to why I stayed home still. Last week an incident happened in this house, in the room next to me. What would have happened if you were not here. This would have happened. Consequences would have been dire. Your little brother is barely 17, smarter then all of us, but he is not that strong. What if something happened.
Tl;dr: questions and thoughts. It doesnt make sense, dont read it.
Another weekend has gone bye. It has been two months since I last held a proper position that I have called employment. It was on a movie called Rock Jocks. There was a good cast but thats not the blog to write about right now. But I guess it does relate as to my current situation. I am unemployed. Although I do not want to admit that it is not affecting myself, but it has.
There is a personal judgment that goes through my mind every single day. Why do you not have a job? Are you not a capable person that you dont have a job? What is wrong with you? It is a broken record that plays in my mind. Find a job. Do something with your life. You have a degree. Everyone has graduated; you had a semester before them, yet you still do not have a job. Why?
You go through the same routine day after day. I avoid my parents shop. There it is, I will admit it. I avoid it. Why? I do not want to work with my brother, mom, dad and uncles. I did it for three months. I have tested that water. The outcome was unsatisfactory and one of the main reasons I do not go back; my brother. Although with me working for them the family was happy, but I was not. I was restless. I wanted to do something with my life. I was not happy just working for the family. My brother did not like being pushed towards the back fixing the motors day after day. He felt as if he was not wanted there when I was working. Even my uncle told my parents. I want Hung to work here, I dont care if he leaves. That statement eventually led to me working less then not showing up at all. My brother has moved from the back to the front and is now handling the paperwork and dealing with customers. For that I am happy for him. He is participating in the business.
There is a feeling though, that he does not like working here. It might just be a fleeting thought at the time, but he has mentioned it a few times. What if he goes back to his old company? He sure as hell would make a lot more money. Every time he mentions it though, as selfish as it may seem, I think about what will happen to me. At the age of 24 still living under my parents roof, what if I had to work for them for the rest of my life. Can I do it? Will I do it?
Why do you not just pick up and leave? Leave it all, fuck it, be homeless. If you are so unhappy with everything leave. Cowardice? Culture? Tradition? Family? Responsibility?
There was an answer to why I stayed home still. Last week an incident happened in this house, in the room next to me. What would have happened if you were not here. This would have happened. Consequences would have been dire. Your little brother is barely 17, smarter then all of us, but he is not that strong. What if something happened.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
losty:
VERY BAD PEN PAL! Report to me for a spanking.
repo_man:
I have a job for you. Yeah. You got it.