hubris0

Yes, I know it's been over five years since I posted to my SG blog. However, since my SG page doesn't have any strong link to my real life, I've realized this is a prime place to express things I don't want anyone I actually know to hear/read.



The other day I found a list of notes I'd made to prepare for a discussion we never had. I'd realized--I guess I always knew--that if I needed to convince her, I'd already lost.

There's no name for the emotion you feel when see the woman you always thought you would eventually spend the rest of your life with, realizing you no longer feel that way, and discovering you're okay with it. There's the oddest sense of loss in letting go of an old, old pain.

Perhaps the world is better off with no word for this emotion, but the feeling is distinct, unique, a comforting melancholy, a serene ennui.

So I guess I'm kinda okay, and I guess I'm a little bit not okay.


But to any women who end up reading this, let me offer this advice. It's probably best to avoid discussion of whether or not to move across the country to be with your current lover with the old lover you wouldn't move across the country to be with.