howdypardner

school+banking issues/problems+loneliness+lack of focus+fall=meltdown of epic porportions

to mellow this out add
phone call from best friend+phone call from an old family friend+an adorable phone message from your niece

I keep telling myself I can do it, focus, work hard, and just smile. Things could be so much worse than they are. While on the phone I was discussing how moving to portland may have been a boo boo on my part. Then Chris reminded me of calling him before I moved, and saying how I just wanted to finish school, that I knew how hard it would be in pdx, but if it was supposed to be things would open up that way, and they did and I made that move. Here I am 6 months later questioning, why, because it's getting difficult. The cut and run mentality is very strong in me, I've done it a lot, mainly at all the wrong times. I can say that now because hindsight is 20/20. It is amazing how much the human can withstand and endure, and sometimes needlessly, but amazing none the less.

I love life, I love my friends, I love my family, and I love school. I just need to make it easier on myself instead of harder.

And hey, come thanksgiving, me and brothers will be gathered around the Wii with beers and probably hitting each other "because you're too close and I need to swing the remote, you were in the danger zone, sorry man." That that is the light at the end of my tunnel currently. I'll also get lots of big hugs and kisses from two of the most adorable little girls.