she called me today. she thanked me for the check that i sent. then she bitched me out saying that i was an asshole. after that she was telling what she's been doing with here life. she's teaching english, taking dance classes and now an assistint manger at her salon. so i had to ask like a dumb ass. is she seeing anyone. she went on a couple of dates with some guy. she doesn't know whats going on. but she's moved on. and i haven't.
even with all the leaps and abound i've made with my life. i feel i've stood still.
i feel that everytime i feel good. something has to come in and knock me down. i can't feel good for too long. it's like feeling good is not suppose to happen. i'm a supposed to suffer just cause. what did i do in a previous life to deserve this? was i that bad of a person? AM i now that bad of a person. do i deserve this unhappiness?
having no support system down here sucks. i only have 2 friends. they are both busy. i need to make more friends. i'm hoping to make it to the SG ATL party. just to meet more people i have things in common with. my coworkers are great, but they aren't my crowd really. i feel that i'm "in the closet" so to speak. like i have to hide my "rock and roll" liberal beliefs. i'm young, single live alone. but i'm a mess. i thought i had my shit together. i don't.
"put on the brave face son, don't let them know you are a loser."
even with all the leaps and abound i've made with my life. i feel i've stood still.
i feel that everytime i feel good. something has to come in and knock me down. i can't feel good for too long. it's like feeling good is not suppose to happen. i'm a supposed to suffer just cause. what did i do in a previous life to deserve this? was i that bad of a person? AM i now that bad of a person. do i deserve this unhappiness?
having no support system down here sucks. i only have 2 friends. they are both busy. i need to make more friends. i'm hoping to make it to the SG ATL party. just to meet more people i have things in common with. my coworkers are great, but they aren't my crowd really. i feel that i'm "in the closet" so to speak. like i have to hide my "rock and roll" liberal beliefs. i'm young, single live alone. but i'm a mess. i thought i had my shit together. i don't.
"put on the brave face son, don't let them know you are a loser."
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
kara:
You need to start to try different things. Maybe, you are actually making the same old choices over and over again and that's why things aren't turning out. My little sister does that. Ever though she has dated a lot of men but they seem to be the exact same type of man in the long run. Maybe you need to stay away from the normal type of woman or thing you always go for and try to break the habit of picking and making bad choices. Make a check off list of all the things you wanted to do in your life and then start to conquer you list. Sometimes you just have to close your eye's and go for it with out hesitation.
zenobia:
You may not realize it or feel it but you are moving forward. Everyone takes a step back every now and then but as long as you keep taking steps forward going backwards isn't so bad. It doesn't seem like it's healthy for you to talk to her because thats always were your step back comes in. Go to the party meet some new people get some fresh air in your life. You never know there maybe some other people you work with who are "in the closet" too. My life is a testiment to this sometimes unexpected people and things come into your life when your not looking or at your lowest. Now you know my e-mail if u need to hardcore vent 