What am I doing?
Writing at 3 in the god damn morning? Yeah, still..yeah still, thinking everything over in my god dmaned head about everything that's going on latley.
To make matters worse, I tried(or I guess I did)watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' this evening. The idea was, to cheer me up or make me think differently abotu everything that's been going on. I love that movie, in my opinion, one of the best movies of the past ten years, but it didn't cheer me up-just made me think more.
I don't know, I'm just utterly confused about everything.
Is it my fault? Is it something I did or said? No, at least that's what Erin says, but still, these thoughts haunt me. I blame myself for everything, and Erin blames herself.
Fuck, love hurts so bad sometimes. And I thought after all of this started happening, is it meant to be? Am I really in love for the first time in my life? I mean, can I truly say that? And the answer everytime, is yes.
Yes god damn it, and it hurts.
SOme of you reading this may think I being a sappy puss, but fuck it, I don't care. I find no shame in admitting, that after 32 years of life, I've finally found true love-and at this point, it's at a stand still. Not by my choice, but regardless, it is.
We're planning on spending time with each other tonight(Wednesday), and I already know I'll feel wonderful in Erin's company for that amount of time. I feel selfish for feeling so, but that's how I feel. Does that sound selfish? Am I being over dramatic? Mayhaps, but that's not how I feel.
My feelings are bursting right now, going through roller coasters of ups and downs I can't control. I can only find comfort in knowing I can't control anything I'm feeling.
Fuck, I'm rambling, my apologies-just had to get some of this off my chest...
Writing at 3 in the god damn morning? Yeah, still..yeah still, thinking everything over in my god dmaned head about everything that's going on latley.
To make matters worse, I tried(or I guess I did)watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' this evening. The idea was, to cheer me up or make me think differently abotu everything that's been going on. I love that movie, in my opinion, one of the best movies of the past ten years, but it didn't cheer me up-just made me think more.
I don't know, I'm just utterly confused about everything.
Is it my fault? Is it something I did or said? No, at least that's what Erin says, but still, these thoughts haunt me. I blame myself for everything, and Erin blames herself.
Fuck, love hurts so bad sometimes. And I thought after all of this started happening, is it meant to be? Am I really in love for the first time in my life? I mean, can I truly say that? And the answer everytime, is yes.
Yes god damn it, and it hurts.
SOme of you reading this may think I being a sappy puss, but fuck it, I don't care. I find no shame in admitting, that after 32 years of life, I've finally found true love-and at this point, it's at a stand still. Not by my choice, but regardless, it is.
We're planning on spending time with each other tonight(Wednesday), and I already know I'll feel wonderful in Erin's company for that amount of time. I feel selfish for feeling so, but that's how I feel. Does that sound selfish? Am I being over dramatic? Mayhaps, but that's not how I feel.
My feelings are bursting right now, going through roller coasters of ups and downs I can't control. I can only find comfort in knowing I can't control anything I'm feeling.
Fuck, I'm rambling, my apologies-just had to get some of this off my chest...