horrorgoespop

i've been drunk way too much the last two weeks. i cant deal with all the reality happening around me. the ex-girlfriends keep calling and i cant keep up with that soap-opera. all i want to do is keep drinking in strange envirorments with strangers. just drink myself into oblivion with single-use friends pretending that we all understand each other. each of us being a false prophet. a defective sponser in our sick little AA meeting.

forget my mom's cancer
do a shot

deny who my father is
smoke a ciggerate

think about lexx
bash my fist into concrete

jenn calls
curse her and hide.

ray and kim remind me of my parents fighting
my father beating my mother.
i just cry

cant find work with my film degrees
i just give up

my friend cuts herself
i give her piercing needles instead of help
its like doing heroin together

my biggest fear is that im all that is wrong with pop culture today

im affraid that you dont know what its like for me. this world is my enemy.

as much as i wish it, i will never play with the murder city devils.

i thought i would have been married by now.
meet her folks.
hide behind my jokes.
like i always do.
it dosent even have to be love.
i've given up on that.

fuck you lexx.

fuck you jenn.

fuck you lacey.

fuck you lindsey.

fuck you victoria.

how many times can i feel like i've had my heart ravedged out of my chest through my back. through my spinal column.

fuck you dad. you let me down the most. how am i ever going to be a good father? its what i wanted the most.