hopey

I am all fucked up this week. My best friend is all "dissapointed" in my moral decisions. She isn't really talking to me. At a time when i really need her to talk to, she is not here. I feel really lonely and a little dizzy. Everything is up in the air. There is no definates.......hard for me to accept, i have control issues. I need to have some sort of stability.

If my ex gets out of the army we will move back to Seattle. If he gets deployed i will move back to Seattle. If he stays in and doesn't get deployed? We stay here. I love the weather and the friends that i have met here, but i miss Seattle. Hawaii feels boring.

I feel like i am wasting away. I need to spend less time here, but when i try, i get bored and end up coming back. I feel like i need people to talk to and those people aren't around. I am sad and weird right now.