hopey

I talk alot about pure, white honesty. I think that being honest is exciting, that it is purifying. I am a little dishonest, when i am on here it is magical fun time.
I imagine i am escaping my life when i am on here. Talking about things that don't really matter for hours a day helps me forget actual issues in my life.

My husband and i finally talked about not being together. He thinks we can go to counseling, fix it. I know these things cannot be fixed. I am not a quitter, i don't give up on things. The situation is fact to me, not solvable. I am at terms with the separation, i have been dealing with it for weeks. I am not too sad about it, i feel a little dead to all of it. I am sad that i am making him sad. I told him i will go to counseling to make a transition easier. We have to make things as peaceful and easy as possible for Cam. I am sad that he is going to have to deal with change. I am excited at the prospect of new things, new people.

I feel like i have been loosing pieces of me for years.........i am not happy. I need to be.

I am sad that i have been so burnt out lately that i am not being the mother i should. That Cam is having to be around me when i feel so indifferent. I feel sad that i am excited to not have to be a mom for two weeks. I need a break, i need to recharge. Everyone will be better off when this is all sorted out. Cam deserves to have me at my peak, to have me be happy and joyful.

There are a couple of concerns with the trip to Thailand too. It seems like a happy go lucky care free trip................i am not sure i am even capable of completely care free. There are always loose ends, scenarios of stress.

How's that for happy hopey?
You still here? Thanks.