OK, so i am going to say sorry to anyone that i have pissed off or anyone that is tired of hearing about how i miss jessica, I want you to think of something though if you are annoyed with hearing about imagen how the fuck I feel, do you think that i like feeling this way, do you think that i am happy that i miss the shit out of her, do you think that i am happy with all this shit, HELL FUCKING NO, these last 5 months have been hell, I wake up every morning hoping that she is going to come back to me, and go to bed every night not wanting to wake up the next because i know she is not going to come back and that my fucking hopes and wishes are just going to get crushed, you know i dont even want to sleep anymore because i have dreams about her, and in those dreams i still have her, then when i wake up and realize it was just a dream i feel like a bigger piece of shit because i know that my fucking dreams are not going to come true, i wish i could let in fact i wish i could fucking hate her and tell that to her fucking face so maybe if she saw that i did not need her she may realize that she fucking needs me, but that is not going to fucking happen why because i am a huge fuckign pussy and i let her become my life not just a part of my life between october 2002 to november 2003 she was my fucking life i depended on her for fucking everything, it is fucking bullshit that the thing that is having the biggest effect on my life is barely in my life, they way i feel for her has prevented me from possibly meeting someone new, from making new frieds, and most of all prevented me from being happy all the time like i used to. the worst thing of all is now i am forgetting about her forgeting what it is like to be around her forgeting what it is like to be with her and that is making shit worse cause i do not want to fucking forget her i just want her back, but she does not even believe me when i tell her how much i love her she thinks i love someone else more, and that is what kills me the fucking most. So now i am going to go crawl back into my little box cause in my box things are good and have no problems, and nothing can hurt me inside my box and i like it that way
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I know what you mean though, I don't want to forget her either, and I feel guilty now that I actually am. But it's getting better, in a way. I know about the sleep thing too. In this case, good dreams are actually worse than bad dreams aren't they? Cos when you wake up and realize it wasn't actually real, it's like it's happening all over again. That's why I turn to wonderful wonderful booze... Kills the dreams, cos you can't remember anything and leaves you nice and disorientated in the morning.