hopesfall

what the fuck is going on, this shit has not been bothering me for the past month i thought i was over all this shit, but in like the last 4 days, i have not been able to stop thinking about jessica, i have had 2 dreams about her, and the other day i was talking to her cousin and i just started going on and on about how much i missed her and how bad i felt cause i loved someone else more than her, and that i regret every fucking mistake i made, and that jessica was nothing short of perfect, FUCKING PERFECT, and i hugged her today and i just did not want to let go, it felt like i was going to die just cause i walked away. I know she is not going to see but i am fucking sorry for any shit i ever fucking did i never ever fucking ment to hurt you, i fucking love you, and i hope that one day you will fucking belive me that i am sorry, and i hope that i can prove to you how much i still love you, and how fucking misserable i am going to be without you, i am so fucking sorry.


so here is my advice to you all NEVER fucking fall in love cause it will always end FUCKING ALWAYS, i have come to realize that love will be the death of us all, i just hope it kills me soon so i do not have to deal with this bull shit anymore, god almost every fucking song i hear makes me think of her in some way, every poison the well song does cause she got me a poison the well cd, it is bull shit, how this fucking takes ahold of your fucking life and does not let go, it will never fucking let, why? why the fuck does this shit have to fucking happen, it has been 2 months and yes i have let go of shit but it takes the tiniest thing to bring it all back and just fucking kill me, i even thought about her when i was with emily cause emily did something that jessica always did, and it fucking killed me, every fucking thing i do reminds me of her in some fucking way, even stupid shit that should not make me think of her makes me think of her, i ride my fucking bike and think of her, i play my drums i think of her, i watch tv and i think of her, i go to a concert i fucking think of her, i listen to music i fucking think of her, i wish this shit would have worked out because if it did when i thought of her it would not make me feel worse it would make me feel better, because everything would be fine cause she would still be there, she still is there she is still my friend, i still see and talk to her, it will just never be enough, Jessica i fucking love you, and i hope you still love me too

this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
you know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby
you could keep me up in bed
my Konstantine
spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you
oh god i miss you

and then you bring me home
and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know
you'll miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room
we don't have much room
i said does anybody need that room
because we all need a little more room
to live

my Konstantine