hopelessdope

speaking of emotions, i'm now convinced that i'm borderline. seriously, i have/do everything in the standard checklist. i've always known something was wrong with me, but i just thought i was bi-polar. my extreme emotions don't last weeks though. i need to go seek help, but damnit, i'm actually scared. many people have a very negative view of bpd. i'm actually scared of being committed, even if only briefly.

i don't believe people can control their emotions. i think they can hide them or fake something different but what they are feeling is still there.

i'm moody and hate to be bothered after sex, too, most of the time. i don't recall wanting to have a conversation or cuddling or any of that crap at all. i may have done it but what i always want is alone time.

I think everyone has something wrong with them well i dont know maybe I just say that because things are wrong with me. You should go get help though if you feel you need it.

At this point steph i'm just annoyed and stressed out with my life... sometimes I feel i'm going to either become a drug addict or I'll just end up dying just because I don't want to deal with it. It's not even depression it's just a feeling of never being able to succeed in life. I just eh can't stand people at this moment I wish I could get drunk but i'm poor.

I dont know if I was always like that after sex but I know I have been for a while now. Even sometimes in the middle of it I just started hating myself and the other person. Sometimes I just really need to be alone I can't stand being around a lot of people anymore.

yeah I know that's the mental image everyone wants in their heads I mean who wouldnt want to think about that.

perhaps I should of said flogging the dolphin instead?

No, 'cause I like dolphins.

congrats on the apartment. they look really fucking nice. the exterior reminds me of where i live, sort of. well, so does the interior. how are you guys deciding who gets which bedroom?

you are not your trendy apartment.

hit me as hard as you can!

Glad things are looking up for you.

yeah I decided to try looking up instead of down.

oh that doesnt even sound good

it was in the beginning. it made a lot of good points, then it just turned into crap. i assumed it to be good since it was recommended by an intelligent, open-minded, awesome individual (but later turned into an asshole). you know.. i think that's about when the book went downhill too. haha.

Oh, oh.. does that mean that you'll have about a month or so of nothing to do? Will your classes be over? You could come out here to visit! Don't say no!

Don't I have brilliant ideas?

my classes aren't over until the middle of may I think. Regardless I don't think I would be able to visit anywhere because I don't have money and Ihave to try to work a lot more when I get off of school. I need to try to sort of get myself out of the giant hole I've put myself in.

Oh, how I wish I were drinking.

I wish I was drinking some more i'm bored I guess I'll just have to make do with a sugar fix... oh i wish I had some candy.