Alright. I haven't been able to update because work has had to keep my laptop to network the office after hours. So here it goes.
Update:
So I was doing really good on making myself hate Tim for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married until I went to get my belt out of the closet and he stopped me, asked me if we could talk, I said yes, he kissed my neck and went about getting dressed again. I was getting ready to go to my friend Sara M's husband's softball game. Well all that threw my mind into a thinking frenzy and if you know me I over think everything, so I sent Tim a text message and asked if I could have a heads up about what the conversation was about. He said he wanted to talk about his feelings and he hoped that I didn't hate him yet cause he knew how weird I must think it was that he wanted to talk about feelings. Well I showed up at 8:30 like I told him I would be and he had made grilled chicken, cheese bread, and vegetables. He asked if we could eat together and when we were done he said he was going to go take care of the dishes and he would be right back.
He came back, sat down, and put his arm around me and started petting my hair.. This instantly started me to crying. He told me that he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me but he doesn't like the way our relationship has been. I told him that I've been pulling away for the last 5 months because he doesn't want kids or to get married but I couldn't see a way out and now I do. I would have left 5 months ago if I could. He asked if I was mean to him all this time just cause I thought he didn't want to have kids and I said yes. He said that it wasn't that he didn't want kids he just got freaked out when I asked and then I would never tell him what was wrong. So yeah, we've been fighting for 5 months over a lack of communication. He said that if the last 5 months hadn't gone all shitty that he'd go buy me a ring that day and that he thought that I'd be beautiful when I was pregnant. He had said once that "Nadia used to be so gorgeous until she got pregnant" and that upset me and I asked him about it. He said that she wasn't gorgeous to him because it wasn't me and that wasn't his baby.
We have decided to be much more honest with each other when we are starting to get a little moody n'such.. instead of just being bitter.. Its amazing how much you really need to think about to keep the relationship of your lifetime in order. It is so easy to hurt feelings.. even the feelings of the man that isn't bothered by too many emotions... he loves me.
oh, a bit of a funny story, or at least it was funny/cute to me.. We went to play darts last night and this old man like 80 yr old man came up and told Tim to stop talking to HIS girlfriend and without skipping a beat Tim said "what are you talking about Fred (thats his name) Thats my wife"
.... later I asked him why he said that and he said "well, if you're gonna be good at something you gotta start practicing" I didn't realize how great of a guy I had because I was clouded by the no kids/no marriage thing and I was wrong to boot... damn my over analytical mind... damn it..
So anyway. Things are back to "normal" only I'm still moving out, but I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you guys for being so supportive. I looked forward to having a new comment everyday telling me that everything would be alright. And to not be mean to Tim. You guys played a huge role in me being happy
I love you guys with all my heart.
Update:
So I was doing really good on making myself hate Tim for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married until I went to get my belt out of the closet and he stopped me, asked me if we could talk, I said yes, he kissed my neck and went about getting dressed again. I was getting ready to go to my friend Sara M's husband's softball game. Well all that threw my mind into a thinking frenzy and if you know me I over think everything, so I sent Tim a text message and asked if I could have a heads up about what the conversation was about. He said he wanted to talk about his feelings and he hoped that I didn't hate him yet cause he knew how weird I must think it was that he wanted to talk about feelings. Well I showed up at 8:30 like I told him I would be and he had made grilled chicken, cheese bread, and vegetables. He asked if we could eat together and when we were done he said he was going to go take care of the dishes and he would be right back.
He came back, sat down, and put his arm around me and started petting my hair.. This instantly started me to crying. He told me that he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me but he doesn't like the way our relationship has been. I told him that I've been pulling away for the last 5 months because he doesn't want kids or to get married but I couldn't see a way out and now I do. I would have left 5 months ago if I could. He asked if I was mean to him all this time just cause I thought he didn't want to have kids and I said yes. He said that it wasn't that he didn't want kids he just got freaked out when I asked and then I would never tell him what was wrong. So yeah, we've been fighting for 5 months over a lack of communication. He said that if the last 5 months hadn't gone all shitty that he'd go buy me a ring that day and that he thought that I'd be beautiful when I was pregnant. He had said once that "Nadia used to be so gorgeous until she got pregnant" and that upset me and I asked him about it. He said that she wasn't gorgeous to him because it wasn't me and that wasn't his baby.
We have decided to be much more honest with each other when we are starting to get a little moody n'such.. instead of just being bitter.. Its amazing how much you really need to think about to keep the relationship of your lifetime in order. It is so easy to hurt feelings.. even the feelings of the man that isn't bothered by too many emotions... he loves me.
oh, a bit of a funny story, or at least it was funny/cute to me.. We went to play darts last night and this old man like 80 yr old man came up and told Tim to stop talking to HIS girlfriend and without skipping a beat Tim said "what are you talking about Fred (thats his name) Thats my wife"
.... later I asked him why he said that and he said "well, if you're gonna be good at something you gotta start practicing" I didn't realize how great of a guy I had because I was clouded by the no kids/no marriage thing and I was wrong to boot... damn my over analytical mind... damn it..
So anyway. Things are back to "normal" only I'm still moving out, but I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you guys for being so supportive. I looked forward to having a new comment everyday telling me that everything would be alright. And to not be mean to Tim. You guys played a huge role in me being happy
I love you guys with all my heart.
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...I need a spell check