hooglebug

im bored. i havent spoken to anyone for any length of time for ages. just how are you's from people who feel guilty about being shit. im lonely as hell. more than usual. because it turns out my only real friend doesnt actually give a shit. she just doesnt care. as soon as other people come along who can give her all the things that she used me for, im gone. and yet as soon as they fuck her over, which they inevitably will, she'll come crying to me and cos im pathetic i'll be there for her.

im so angry all the time. it doesnt help that i keep fucking up. but its not good. being angry and frustrated is going to kill me one day im sure. i have no outlet. i have no one to talk to, nothing to take it out on, no way of venting. so it just sits there and my head always hurts from grinding my teeth. i feel like one day im going to explode and someones going to take the blast. if its me then fine. bugger it.

i should have learned by now. you're all the same. you have different faces and different ways, but you all end up doing the same thing. iv always told girls who moan at me about men that all guys are wankers. and they are really. but you know what? all girls are bitches. i havent met one who hasnt fucked me over or taken advantage of me or used me or whatever. not one.

and i wont. this is it. thats my sex life gone, my romantic life gone. and yeah im not 30 yet im still 'young', but no ones going to want this. how many people look at my profile and think 'yeah i would'. not one id bet. and especially if they bothered to read any of it. anything iv written is like this. doom and gloom. cos i cant think about anything else. im not a happy person. never have been. well, apart from when i had her, but...

so yeah. i give up. she said she feels like shes lost her best friend. not lost, thrown away