hooglebug

well that was a successful trip.

went for a wander in leeds to get me out and stop me thinking about things. i walked around for an hour. everyone seemed to be with someone - friends, boy/girlfriends - i dont think i saw anyone else on their own. so i went home. a really pretty girl got on the bus, and when she got off,...
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i just looked at the call log on my phone.

the last person to ring me was on the 26th may. she was drunk, otherwise she wouldnt have done.

before that it was 19th april.

thats quite sad

iv never been so lonely in my life. i literally have no friends. i havent spoken to anyone for a month, since my ex (who im still in love with 18 months after she left me) rang me very very drunk so that her housemate could tell me she misses me, only for my ex to tell me im not special, she even misses her...
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so what happens when you have no friends to introduce you to anyone, you cant go out and just meet someone as you're too shy, you've been on dating sites for years with no success, and even eharmony tells you you're unmatchable?

o yeah, you die alone

yeah.

i think the world has seen enough

byebye everybody.

byebye

What strange things they are. Do you see? It takes blood away from his insides to keep up with the beating of his heart. It makes his insides flutter and his head dizzy. Look how crazy it makes them; all that pain.

They call it love. They crave it.

Strange things indeed, these humans.

But look at all the colours down there. Its so bright;...
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just been sat in the shower crying my eyes out cos for no reason my nana popped into my head and all i could think about was how i cant remember ever telling her i loved her. even when she was dying i couldnt say anything to her. i dont think she even knew i was there cos i was so scared to say anything....
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fuck it. you're all the same. i give up. whats the fucking point

back when i was at college, many moons ago, i used to be invisible. sat with two other people, a whole group of people would go by, saying hello to the other two, and ignoring me. this would happen a lot. everytime i was with anyone and someone would say hello in fact. its not like they didnt know who i was, they did. they...
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i just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as i turned from washing my hands - a view of me that i wouldnt normally see, but that everyone else will.

all i can say is, no wonder im single

cutting out hundreds of tiny bits of shell and veneer for an inlay on a guitar you havent even started making yet is not good. i think i might go blind. or mental.

four flowers and one petal down, only 252 to go. and a few branches left.

look at me, look at me. the monster inside of me has grown this big

chomp chomp, munch munch, crunch crunch, gulp