homewrecker

I was supposed to meet up with someone special from the site this morning, but things just didn't work out. She seemed to get weird on me at the last minute and we just never ended up hooking up. I was pretty damn groggy from being up ALL NIGHT on Saturday, though, so maybe I cursed out her mother in German and just don't remember it or something. *sigh* Oh well, maybe I'll see her at WumpSkate tomorrow night, and hopefully a lot of you others as well!

I ended up having a great day anyway...dclxvi and I took a couple of our dogs to the dog beach in Huntington. Spent the day high as a kite at the beach with my lovely lady and played with my dogs in the sun. Can't beat that.

But Saturday night...I sunk to a new low, even for me. I vaugely remember yelling at my cat in the middle of the night, "Stay the fuck off my lap, my COCK is out for christ's sake!!!" before realizing the window next to me was open. It's no wonder my neighbors are moving out. At times like this, it's fun to call people for some reason - only, I couldn't find my phone anywhere. I tried ringing it, but then remembered it was on silent from earlier when I went to go see Passion of the Christ. In retrospect, I think Jesus was getting back at me for whistling "Always look on the bright side of Life" during the end credits.

Anway, I knew my phone was SOMEWHERE flashing and vibrating silently. I tore apart my house, my car, my bills, and all the clothes I had worn that night, but no luck! I thought back to all the places I'd gone and all the people I saw (none of whom I could call, since their numbers were in my phone), and finally decided it's either at this porn shop we hit earlier, or it's gone for good. I called ahead to find that it wasn't inside, but I do remember throwing something away out back.

As Murphy's Law would have it, I arrived as the manager was closing up shop, and was just in time to have him freak on me for fishing through his dumpster. And let's be clear about this, a porn shop dumpster is no ordinary trash can - think bio-hazard medical waste but 10x worse. You know a dumpster is disgusting when homeless people look at you funny.

So I peer inside with a flashlight, and the stuff I threw away is nowhere. Since I was there only a couple of hours ago, this meant that not only was my phone buried, IF it was there at all, but it was buried underneath such "fresh" pornogrphic waste as moist tissues, scummy prophylactics, returned merchandise, floor models,sample packs, unwanted crack babies...you get the idea.

Without the luxury of snorkel or even a wetsuit, I leaned deep inside and began to trudge through this river of sin. Even though there were plenty of glowing and vibrating objects camouflauging it, I finally saw my phone!!! I wiped it down alcohol to make sure I got all the syphillus off before burning my clothes and taking a bath in hydrogen peroxide.

And that was only the beginning...things got two parts less disguting and three parts more naked later in the night. I mean, what could possibly be more arrousing and romantic than dumpster diving behind a porn shop at 2am? But I think that's enough perversion and disgust for one journal entry.

So this sounds like normal-person behavior, right? I can't imagine WHY anyone would want to avoid me...