Went to Halo last night after the movie with Keith. Its the newest bar around these parts. I actaully really liked it. We were the only patrons there for awhile, so the bartender was just talking to us. Turned out he was a struggling film maker/actor/writier, and so Keith and I began talking to him about the arts and what not. We talked about books and films. Then I wanted a cigarette, and sorta of began to ignore the conversation. The chef or something came out and began to talk to us as well, and frankly I don't think it was really noticed too much I was getting antsy.
It was my first alcoholic drink since I stopped smoking.
Anyway, I have been feeling very frustrated that I have not been writing anything or reading. I've jsut been...stuck. I got home and had that on my mind, and then I was looking at my nails. Before, when I first became a vegetarian, my nails totally peeled and broke off. Then I started drinking protien shakes and eating beans, and my nails grew back. I said to Keith "hey, I have nails." and he says "Good. You're nails are sopose to grow. Your nails didn't grow because you were too skinny before."
That stopped me...too skinny before? I knew what he said was not true at all, as I have noticed a wieght gain for about 7 or 8 months,and just started to do something about it now, and I have only ben a veggie for about 4 months- but I know what he is referring to (except I did have nails back then cuz I was eating meat). Keith was reffering to a year ago, when I was horrifically skinny, which I loved. His statemement proved to me that I gained weight (I already knew that), but more importantly that he noticed.
Not one to hold myself back, I was like "thank, so you're saying esentially I am not skinny like I use to be, and therefore have gained weight." Then I nodded and looked away. He didn't know what to say, and I wasn't going to get mad at him for being honest.
I knew the truth all along, but it always hurts when people say it to you.
Needless to say my feelings were hurt. We went to bed soon after, with the movie Perfume playing. Keith feel asleep. I was wide awake.
Since I have quit smoking, I am always awake as hell. I began to cry. I cried and cried and cried and time past.
I went upstairs and wrote for awhile. My words/statments did not flow, but at least I was writing.
Finally got to bed, and now its 9 something in the morning. I have the worst headache and my eyes are sore. There is a BBQ today, but I don't want to go. I am not going. Why should I sit with a buch of drinkers all day, eating food that I do not want to eat and talking about things that I do not give a shit about?? There is no reason except to hang out with Keith, and honestly I think he would have a better time without me-since I am such a gloomy gus.
I rather take a bunch of nyquil and sleep all day.
p.s. b4 anyone writes "but you look thin in your pics", those pics are about a year old (when I was much thinner). Look at my pic of me at the carnival-thats a month or so old.
It was my first alcoholic drink since I stopped smoking.
Anyway, I have been feeling very frustrated that I have not been writing anything or reading. I've jsut been...stuck. I got home and had that on my mind, and then I was looking at my nails. Before, when I first became a vegetarian, my nails totally peeled and broke off. Then I started drinking protien shakes and eating beans, and my nails grew back. I said to Keith "hey, I have nails." and he says "Good. You're nails are sopose to grow. Your nails didn't grow because you were too skinny before."
That stopped me...too skinny before? I knew what he said was not true at all, as I have noticed a wieght gain for about 7 or 8 months,and just started to do something about it now, and I have only ben a veggie for about 4 months- but I know what he is referring to (except I did have nails back then cuz I was eating meat). Keith was reffering to a year ago, when I was horrifically skinny, which I loved. His statemement proved to me that I gained weight (I already knew that), but more importantly that he noticed.
Not one to hold myself back, I was like "thank, so you're saying esentially I am not skinny like I use to be, and therefore have gained weight." Then I nodded and looked away. He didn't know what to say, and I wasn't going to get mad at him for being honest.
I knew the truth all along, but it always hurts when people say it to you.
Needless to say my feelings were hurt. We went to bed soon after, with the movie Perfume playing. Keith feel asleep. I was wide awake.
Since I have quit smoking, I am always awake as hell. I began to cry. I cried and cried and cried and time past.
I went upstairs and wrote for awhile. My words/statments did not flow, but at least I was writing.
Finally got to bed, and now its 9 something in the morning. I have the worst headache and my eyes are sore. There is a BBQ today, but I don't want to go. I am not going. Why should I sit with a buch of drinkers all day, eating food that I do not want to eat and talking about things that I do not give a shit about?? There is no reason except to hang out with Keith, and honestly I think he would have a better time without me-since I am such a gloomy gus.
I rather take a bunch of nyquil and sleep all day.
p.s. b4 anyone writes "but you look thin in your pics", those pics are about a year old (when I was much thinner). Look at my pic of me at the carnival-thats a month or so old.