I'm happy to report that this past weekend out of town had it's desired effect. 
Returned here to Houston in a much better mood.
Not really well RESTED, but rejuvinated nonetheless.
***
After eight months here of the daily grind...and weekends working at the bar...I'd become worn down and lost sight of what that dream I was chasing had been.
I'd lost sight of what was so worth it about getting up every morning.
Why I was forcing myself to go through all of this.
***
Today...the guys from DuPont paint came to our school and did a presentation using their products.
We were all gathered around one little paint booth watching as these guys used their paints to create all different kinds of custom flames on steel panels.
I have to admit...I could feel the fires burning again.
The same way it did way back when I'd first gotten here and every day felt like summer camp.
I could imagine myself blessing all those beautiful cars of the past weekend with my own custom paint.
Taking something already encredible and making them un-fucking-forgettable.
***
It's not often that I feel so lit up about creating something for others to see. I'm really much more private with my creativity.
But today...watching these guys at work, I felt the burn to make a name for myself in this field...make these people...YOU people...MY people...remember me...and not just for my naked ass!
Keep an eye out for me...I'm going to be tearing shit up!!!
EDITED TO ADD:
The only thing I wish from life isl that it were more fucking consistant.
Y'know that saying about the weather in new england? If you dont' like it, wait five minutes...
The same is true for Texas...
and the same is true for my life.
So happy today...so fired up and motivated...
headed to the titty bar to 'train' only to be told to come back Friday. Which wouldnt' be such a problem except by Friday I'll have been locked out of my apt for non-payment of rent.
I feel like ruining all my relationships...
I mean, why not? They ruin me...why not return the favor?
Should I pack my things now and put them in my car...
Write a note to myself to pop open a window Friday morning at 5am when I go to school so when they lock me out I can get in?
Should I sell my computer/tv/stereo/whatever...my lifeline to the universe to keep a roof over my head?
Does a roof really matter? I mean, when you're me?
I'm sure it does when you're YOU...but me?
Not bloody likely.
Meh...who the fuck cares anyway?
I'm out here all alone...which is something I did to myself...so I can't really regret it.
Can't regreat losing my love...
My home...
My brother...
My friends...
My SGNY...
Everything I owned...
Every choice I make kills whatever comes next...
Why not kill it all off...all at once...and see what becomes of it?
Let's see if anything survives...
Like a cockroach, I'm sure something would...but it wouldnt' be of any use to me...
maybe I'm the cockroach? Creeping through people's lives...
Seems I have the midas touch of SHIT...
I'd like to think that something will give...
That something better is coming...
but I've been telling myself that since I was 12...
I'm 30 now...maybe it's time I faced the truth?
Returned here to Houston in a much better mood.
Not really well RESTED, but rejuvinated nonetheless.
***
After eight months here of the daily grind...and weekends working at the bar...I'd become worn down and lost sight of what that dream I was chasing had been.
I'd lost sight of what was so worth it about getting up every morning.
Why I was forcing myself to go through all of this.
***
Today...the guys from DuPont paint came to our school and did a presentation using their products.
We were all gathered around one little paint booth watching as these guys used their paints to create all different kinds of custom flames on steel panels.
I have to admit...I could feel the fires burning again.
The same way it did way back when I'd first gotten here and every day felt like summer camp.
I could imagine myself blessing all those beautiful cars of the past weekend with my own custom paint.
Taking something already encredible and making them un-fucking-forgettable.
***
It's not often that I feel so lit up about creating something for others to see. I'm really much more private with my creativity.
But today...watching these guys at work, I felt the burn to make a name for myself in this field...make these people...YOU people...MY people...remember me...and not just for my naked ass!
Keep an eye out for me...I'm going to be tearing shit up!!!
EDITED TO ADD:
The only thing I wish from life isl that it were more fucking consistant.
Y'know that saying about the weather in new england? If you dont' like it, wait five minutes...
The same is true for Texas...
and the same is true for my life.
So happy today...so fired up and motivated...
headed to the titty bar to 'train' only to be told to come back Friday. Which wouldnt' be such a problem except by Friday I'll have been locked out of my apt for non-payment of rent.
I feel like ruining all my relationships...
I mean, why not? They ruin me...why not return the favor?
Should I pack my things now and put them in my car...
Write a note to myself to pop open a window Friday morning at 5am when I go to school so when they lock me out I can get in?
Should I sell my computer/tv/stereo/whatever...my lifeline to the universe to keep a roof over my head?
Does a roof really matter? I mean, when you're me?
I'm sure it does when you're YOU...but me?
Not bloody likely.
Meh...who the fuck cares anyway?
I'm out here all alone...which is something I did to myself...so I can't really regret it.
Can't regreat losing my love...
My home...
My brother...
My friends...
My SGNY...
Everything I owned...
Every choice I make kills whatever comes next...
Why not kill it all off...all at once...and see what becomes of it?
Let's see if anything survives...
Like a cockroach, I'm sure something would...but it wouldnt' be of any use to me...
maybe I'm the cockroach? Creeping through people's lives...
Seems I have the midas touch of SHIT...
I'd like to think that something will give...
That something better is coming...
but I've been telling myself that since I was 12...
I'm 30 now...maybe it's time I faced the truth?
~cheers
and somethnig better is coming.
ME!
to give you a big kiss.. and to pet you and tell you everything is going to be okay.
hugs to you. big fat hugs. and shots of wiskey...and then copius ammounts of making out.