Well, I was right in the middle of writing an update here...just about to get down to the nitty gritty...when the baby turned off the computer...
I could be really mad about that (i was) but it kind of illustrates the whole point I was trying to make anyway.
I am not the woman I once was. So much has changed.
My friends list was filled with all kinds of men and women, both near and far, many of whom I used to meet up with regularly to get drunk in public venues.
Yesterday I guess I was feeling lonely, and I ventured into that friends list only to find that most everyone I once knew was gone. Some of whom haven't written an update since 2007.
Then, to add insult to injury, a friend of mine approached me about possibly being on a build team for the show "Car Warriors" which premiered last night. I responded by saying;
"Of course I'd be interested in the details, except for these three things...
1. I'm a good 200 lbs now and not really presentable for TV.
2. It's been a really long time since I really got dirty working on cars.
3. Child care."
I watched some of the premier regardless, as he'd suggested...and all it did was leave me with the overwhelming feeling of loss. I've lost everything I once held dear. My looks. My independence. My skills. My motivation to follow dreams like they could ACTUALLY come true. My faith.
My profile blurb says, "Holliday may be the most lovable asshole you'll ever meet." And gods help me, that was once true.
Now I would give anything to be that asshole again...and not this fucking loser I've become.
I could be really mad about that (i was) but it kind of illustrates the whole point I was trying to make anyway.
I am not the woman I once was. So much has changed.
My friends list was filled with all kinds of men and women, both near and far, many of whom I used to meet up with regularly to get drunk in public venues.
Yesterday I guess I was feeling lonely, and I ventured into that friends list only to find that most everyone I once knew was gone. Some of whom haven't written an update since 2007.
Then, to add insult to injury, a friend of mine approached me about possibly being on a build team for the show "Car Warriors" which premiered last night. I responded by saying;
"Of course I'd be interested in the details, except for these three things...
1. I'm a good 200 lbs now and not really presentable for TV.
2. It's been a really long time since I really got dirty working on cars.
3. Child care."
I watched some of the premier regardless, as he'd suggested...and all it did was leave me with the overwhelming feeling of loss. I've lost everything I once held dear. My looks. My independence. My skills. My motivation to follow dreams like they could ACTUALLY come true. My faith.
My profile blurb says, "Holliday may be the most lovable asshole you'll ever meet." And gods help me, that was once true.
Now I would give anything to be that asshole again...and not this fucking loser I've become.
junecleavage:
It is terribly easy to feel defeated by life and your place in it. But I have been in some of the darkest holes and still come out for the light. And, the longing you have for pieces of your past self will become a merging of that person into the one of today. Now, that's a kick ass superwoman right there.