Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

holliday

Member Since 2004

Followers 93 Following 133

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Friday Dec 22, 2006

Dec 22, 2006
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Y'know what's worse than being a Thanksgiving orphan? Being a christmas orphan. Sadly, that's been my fate more times than I care to admit.

Way, way back, when I was a little girl...I remember charging down the stairs with my big brother to find a livingroom full of presents. We didn't have a tree, of course, since the family was supposed to be Jewish (again, don't forget, i'm adopted) but that's just how we rolled, apparently.

Once my father died that ended. The christmas after his death was spent at my mother's wedding...my birthday (dec. 30) on their honeymoon. I was eight and pretty disappointed that I had to spend my birthday like that, but then, I'm pretty sure that was the year I got the My Little Pony stable so I let it go.

After that...I don't have any memories of christmas until I was about sixteen. The years in between were spent receiving those general gifts you keep around just in case company comes over...a make up bag...a nail file (when i was clearly a nail biter)...and once, a bottle of my mother's perfume...which she promplty bought back from me for $80. I'm pretty sure by then I was a drug addict and welcomed the cash. I SURE wasn't about the perfume! Ha ha...

Anyway...the christmas I turned sixteen stands out in my mind as one of the best ever. Which is funny because I was spending it in juvie, where I'd been for about a year or so.

Most of the kids had been given holiday passes and had headed home to commit whatever crimes were their favorites...to do WAY too many drugs...and probably be beaten by their parents. Y'know...the usual.

Some of us were not welcome at home and therefore stayed behind.

I remember being pretty upset that I was going to spend christmas bunked in someone elses room in someone else's dorm, but that's the way they did holidays in juvie...they took the few kids left behind and consolidated them all.

I suppose they tried to create the christmas spirit. The place was decorated...each living room of the dorm had a christmas tree and all that. But for me, I couldn't let it go that I wasn't in my own bed.

The first christmas miracle to occur for me that year was that at the last minute the staff decided to send us all back to our own dorms. It seems like a really small thing, but when you've got nothing to call your own...the little things become pretty important.

So, christmas eve, we packed up our stuff and headed 'home' and I slept happily in my own bed.

The next morning as I was heading out to have my first cigarette of the day I noticed something different about the living room. There were a pile of presents under our tree! And some of them even had my name on them!!!

I might have been something of a junkie and a criminal...but something about that warmed my little heart.

Once the other kids started waking up and venturing out to smoke...I was told that those presents were indeed intended for us. Not just empty boxes wrapped up with bows...but real presents. As it turned out, staff members were doled out a small sum of cash for each of us left behind and put in charge of buying presents.

I remember I got a new journal, a pair of guitar pick earings with little peace signs hanging off them (shut up, it was the early 90's!) and a collection of other little things.
What struck me about the gifts, is that even though they were bought upon instruction from the higher ups...they were obviously well thought out and exactly the kinds of things I'd want. And for a kid, junkie, criminal or not...being lost in the system means losing your identity. So for someone to show that they could see me for who I was touched me more than I can put into words.

Christmas memories disappear for some years after that...until I started being taken in by a friend's family, who loved me like one of their own. They even had a stocking hung up just for me... Christmas became one of my favorite days of the year.

Until this past year when my friend's step mother passed away from pancreatic cancer.
If she hadn't, I"d probably be on a plane right now back to New York to spend the holidays with them.

But I'm not...and I can't tell you in how many ways that breaks my heart.







VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
gypsyphoenix:
enjoy what you're doing for the holidays, enjoy the time away from "real life". it all comes back too soon, trust me.

and don't forget about me when you get back!!

love and christmas hugs!!

kiss
Dec 22, 2006
low_ball:
so... how was xmas this year?? wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink
Dec 26, 2006

More Blogs

  • 10.03.13
    4

    Friday Oct 04, 2013

    Oh dear friends!!! I heard a rumor that SG had reactivated account…
  • 02.25.11
    4

    Friday Feb 25, 2011

    UPDATE: I just got the news...Shelter #1 has a space for us!!! …
  • 02.23.11
    1

    Thursday Feb 24, 2011

    Well, I was right in the middle of writing an update here...just abou…
  • 02.16.11
    3

    Thursday Feb 17, 2011

    What's worse than my husband's drinking? Child Protective Services…
  • 02.09.11
    1

    Wednesday Feb 09, 2011

    So...today is a new day. It's at least SLIGHTLY less aggravating tha…
  • 10.13.10
    2

    Thursday Oct 14, 2010

    So...we're getting kicking out of our apartment. Or, more specifical…
  • 10.04.10
    0

    Monday Oct 04, 2010

    Haters amuse me. The more they hate, the more I laugh. The harder I…
  • 09.22.10
    1

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    What good are promises when they can be abandoned on the bedside tabl…
  • 09.15.10
    3

    Wednesday Sep 15, 2010

    In other news...I have an appointment with the doctor today. One…
  • 08.23.10
    16

    Tuesday Aug 24, 2010

    Good Morning SG...here I am again. There has been MUCH going on arou…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,690 followers
  • 14,920,095 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,391,142 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo