holliday

ITEMS OF NOTE:

Work...

Contrary to the way my last blog made it sound, I did not up and walk out of my job...no matter how much I'd have loved to.

If you didn't see this coming for months, you clearly haven't been paying attention.

I SHOULD have quit that first time he patted me on the head and called me a good girl...

Or when he told me I was 'too short' for the position he hired me for (detailer).

Or after the hundred of times he kept asking me, "Do you LIKE what you're doing?"

Or when he'd say shit like, "Did you weld that on yourSELF?"

Or..."That looks HEAVY! Do you need help?!"

But I didn't...I waited until he pulled me off the line and sat me at the front desk.
No...not even then...
The day I had to tell a woman on the phone that I was 'The Receptionist.' Yes, THAT was the day I quit...at least in my head. That was the day I started to use my time at the desk to look for new work...and his fax machine to send my resume out.

So really...when Bossman cornered me and said he could sense I wouldn't be there much longer...I told him he was right and officially gave my notice...even though I don't have a new job yet.
I know it's not responsible...but it's just how miserable I am.
There's no point in staying at a job that is holding me back from where I want to go.

We'll not get into the bullshit he dumped all over me when I told him I was giving notice...because it just makes me too angry. But take all the above complaints and multiply them by 100.

LOOKING AHEAD...

I'm heading down to Long Beach tomorrow for a job interview (that i set up a month ago, long before my notice)...as well as for another big ol' carshow.

I like the attitude of these guys at this other shop but I don't know about the kind of work they do.

My plan is to network and shmooze as much as possible this weekend while checking out the area.
I even got myself some cool business cards!

ANXIETY

I have a problem with not knowing stuff.
I'm a Capricorn and I like to have plans, a schedule, a goal.

While I've known for some time that I wouldn't be staying here in Monterey...I wasn't sure where to go.
And even when I finally fell in love with California and stopped looking to move back east...I still didn't know if I should move north or south...

The anxiety from that situation was held in check only by the fact that I was still going to work and drawing a check.

Now, knowing that my time is limited and I need to make some kind of move...my stomach is in knots...
I wake up an hour before my alarm goes off and just lay there staring at the ceiling as my thoughts whirl.
I'm pretty sure I'm smoking over a pack a day...twice what I was when I first got here...

Not to mention my magical flat black minivan chose YESTERDAY...two days before a long road trip (long beach is 6 hrs south of here)...to throw a fit. Something about her throttle needing adjustment...*shakes head*

Not to mention that one of my (many) roommates is actually suffering from a real and true psychotic break.
No, not the funny ha-ha kind...but the real, and somewhat frightening kind.
As a former mental health worker...I've seen this before.
My landlord, however, who first alerted me to the strange behavior...can't get it.
While he admits there is a problem...a real and somewhat frightening problem...without a background in mental health/illness...and his undying loyalty to her...he's having a hard time hearing what I say.

But I'll deal with that when I get back from so-cal...

IN SUMMARY...

In case this entry hasn't been long enough already...
Funny how when there's so much going on, I let days and days slip by with no updates...

Putting in my notice at work is really a good thing, despite the stress it's brought with it.

I'm not trying to make any big life decisions until after this weekend in Long Beach...

But hey, if you have a second...can you send a bitch some love?
I kinda need it...