holliday

This morning at 10:45 AM I strolled my lifelong pagan ass through the doors of...you won't believe this...church!

And no, I didn't even burst into flames!

I did this for two reasons:

1. My mentor is a born again christian. Luckily, he's not been preachy or soapboxy at all, although he's been open in sharing his experience and feelings about it all. And I, although I'm not christian and have no desire to be, am curious about others and I'm always open to learning about them, what's important to them, and what makes them tick. I figured if we'd be spending time together, it would be worth my while to at least go check it out.

2. No matter what my feelings for my roommate, Krazy, the one I had the 'incident' with last time...I hate to see someone struggling in their quest for spiritual growth. I heard my mentor share...and thought it sounded so much like what my roommate was searching for...I told him I'd support him in his going. Besides which, I figured he's probably not show up on his own...

***

Being pagan, you might think that I rail against christianity and all it stands for...or that I'd have some kind of problem going to church...but I don't.

Their beliefs are not MY beliefs...but I'm always open to hearing 'the word.'

And things were going pretty well...the pastor spoke about things I can relate to and so long as I filtered all the strange vocabulary out...spiritually I was stirred.

I DID get a little tired of their saying how they were better than the Gentiles...but considering I'm not always that happy with the Gents...I let it go...

***

Nearing the end of the service the pastor asked that we look at our lives and the ways we might be grieving god...the (full) band got back onstage and started to play.
He said that if you'd seen something about your life and you wanted to pray about it, to come down front and there would be staff down there to pray with you...

What did I do?

I walked my little pagan ass down front...

I found some guy and I told him what I'd seen about my life...

I told him, "I have traveled a very long and very hard road...physically and emotionally. God has been with me the whole time, and it's not that I doubt his grand plan...and I know I'm here in California for a reason...but where I've been grieving him is my being inpatient with him in showing me what that plan is..."

The man sorta made it into something about my wanting what I want when I want it...or something about how I was being inpatient in getting WHAT I WANTED... which isn't entirely accurate...but...when he asked if he could pray with/for me, I told him sure.

The prayer he said was basic...and it DID inspire me to slow the fuck down...and be patient...the signs will come when they come...it's not up to me to find the answers...and it inspired me to come home and pray, in my way, to my god/s/goddess/s for the exact same thing...

And then...it happened...

He asked me if I'd accepted christ as my lord and savior...

To which, I answered...no...

And that's where it all went bad...

I suppose I could have...possibly SHOULD have lied...and just said yes to avoid what came next...but while I might not be christian, I sure don't believe in lying...so I didn't...

He then launched into a good ten minute soliloquy about god and christ and the savior, etc....

Being the blunt little pagan I am, I put my hand on his arm, looked into his eyes and said, "I just want to let you know right now, you will not save me today..."

I explained about my being in communication with god on a daily basis, etc...and the man told me that if I hadn't accepted christ as my savior, I was NOT in communication with god at all...

Which pissed me off beyond anything...and I immediately tried to edge myself towards the door...

I eventually escaped...after they gave me my parting gift...a bible...my roommate and I racing towards the magical flat black minivan...

***

In the end, I'll take the lessons I can...
I'm happy to report that my roommate got something out of it. He even wants to go back next week...which I might endure...for the greater good and all that...

And if nothing else...I can DEFINITELY report that I was dressed somewhat innappropriately for church...

Yes...I'll always have that...

Blessed be...