holliday

I'm old.

Don't laugh, I mean it.

I know I've joked about my being 'old' for a while now...mostly because I spent so much time around youngsters...and don't look my real age.

But seriously, it's like one day I woke up...and I was old.

I'm tired.

My body hurts.

I'm asleep by 10PM.

I make noises when I get out of a chair...

I had been a fucking rockstar.

Now...all of a sudden...

I don't want to party at the drop of a hat.

I want to get married.

I want someone to meet me at home after work.

I want to have babies.

I want to get some seats into the back of my flat black minivan so I can drive the little ones to soccer, karate, or god forbid, ballet.

I want to spend my Saturday folding boxers and onesies.

I want to spend Sunday at our married friends house at a bbq.

I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't want to NEVER party like a rockstar.

Not that I don't EVER want to get all glamorous and break some mother fucking hearts.

I'm just saying.

I'm so fucking tired.

Today I spent $75 on bedding...because something about not having proper sheets and using my sleeping bag as a comforter irked me enough to spend money I can't spare...

I've moved around and changed and been through so much in the past two years...I guess I'm just yearning for stability. Normalcy. Routine.

Maybe this is just some kind of phase.
Some kind of down time...
Some kind of adjustment period.

But seriously, I woke up one day...and there it was. I'm old.

*P.S.*
There IS a man in mind that I want all of this with...too bad he's not really in on the fucking plan...