holliday

Some days I come home from work feeling like a million bucks...zz top on my stereo and everything...

Some days I come home feeling entirely defeated...

Today I'm somewhere in the middle.

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It's hard sometimes to keep sight of where I've come from...compared to where I am.

My 'mentor' at work teaches Asian style (he's vietnamese) which basicaly means..., "No...WRONG...you've done this wrong...if you'd done it RIGHT everything would be ok..." (insert shaming the ancestors here...)

At the same time...I see myself from the outside, now working with another guy in our shop...fully jumping into something so horribly scary for me (securing a car up on the rack) that I can hardly think...and here I am, jumping into it as though being crushed beneath an improperly secured car is NOT the worst way I can imagine going out...

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Today was the winter solstice...which for us pagans is the midpoint of winter...

I can't help but think back to last year where I was at this time...

Dating the biker...
Still bartending...
Still exhausted at school...but all things looked alright...

Little did I know how quickly things would change for the worse...and SOON...

But at the same time...I like to think about how I've survived it all...

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There is more to say here about an email I recently received...and a 'bizaar' phone call received by a friend of mine...but frankly...I don't feel like talking about it right now...just know that it has something to do with my sour mood these past few days...

Think on that...and leave a message...I need some love...

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p.s. I feel like getting drunk and breaking things...