FINAL DAY...FORCED SOBRIETY...
My co-workers are counting the minutes before I can drink again...apparently they don't like the sober Holliday.
My other friends suggest I don't jump back into the bourbon.
***
Funny thing happened though...sometime around 6pm...mid-conversation with my pea Sinatrasdoll...right when I would have been fixing myself my first coctail of the evening...I had a craving for tea instead...
It was so nice and quiet...no television on...no music...dim lighting from the computer screen...good conversation...a steaming cup of chamomile tea...incense burning...
***
True...I'm not a big fan of all the emotions that have been popping up without invitation...
True...I've tried everything to quiet the voice in my head all year...but maybe it's time I started listening to it?
I mean, the voice isn't all bad. She's the one who holds on to the memories of better days and of the dreams I had for myself. She's the one who remembers where I came from and how far I've come.
***
In regards to all the things on my mind?
I guess that's to be expected.
Truth is...my life in NYC wasn't perfect. I chose to leave for a reason. Despite the social circle I'd had. If you scroll way back...you'll see what I mean. I hated my job and my housing situation. I hated a lot of things.
Truth is...it's time to head west and try something new. And if I don't like it? I can always go back.
The situation with Josh? That's out of my hands. He's done all he can...it's up to the army now. All I can do is be patient, support him as much as he'll allow...and wait.
And all the things I have to get done here before I go?
Maybe it's a little overwhelming...but if I create an attack plan...it's not so bad. If I do one thing a day...I'll be golden.
***
Truth is...dealing with my alcohol soaked brain drying out all week...it's been a chore. My friends (not my coworkers) have been wonderfully supportive.
And strangely...the idea of turning back and drownding myself if bourbon again...it doesn't seem as attractive as I thought it might.
Not sure how I'll deal with work without it...I know, I know, I've done it already this week...but seriously...not good.
Gotta be responsible for myself...I'll see what I can do.
Now start praying to the money gods so that they send lots of money my way!!!
My co-workers are counting the minutes before I can drink again...apparently they don't like the sober Holliday.
My other friends suggest I don't jump back into the bourbon.
***
Funny thing happened though...sometime around 6pm...mid-conversation with my pea Sinatrasdoll...right when I would have been fixing myself my first coctail of the evening...I had a craving for tea instead...
It was so nice and quiet...no television on...no music...dim lighting from the computer screen...good conversation...a steaming cup of chamomile tea...incense burning...
***
True...I'm not a big fan of all the emotions that have been popping up without invitation...
True...I've tried everything to quiet the voice in my head all year...but maybe it's time I started listening to it?
I mean, the voice isn't all bad. She's the one who holds on to the memories of better days and of the dreams I had for myself. She's the one who remembers where I came from and how far I've come.
***
In regards to all the things on my mind?
I guess that's to be expected.
Truth is...my life in NYC wasn't perfect. I chose to leave for a reason. Despite the social circle I'd had. If you scroll way back...you'll see what I mean. I hated my job and my housing situation. I hated a lot of things.
Truth is...it's time to head west and try something new. And if I don't like it? I can always go back.
The situation with Josh? That's out of my hands. He's done all he can...it's up to the army now. All I can do is be patient, support him as much as he'll allow...and wait.
And all the things I have to get done here before I go?
Maybe it's a little overwhelming...but if I create an attack plan...it's not so bad. If I do one thing a day...I'll be golden.
***
Truth is...dealing with my alcohol soaked brain drying out all week...it's been a chore. My friends (not my coworkers) have been wonderfully supportive.
And strangely...the idea of turning back and drownding myself if bourbon again...it doesn't seem as attractive as I thought it might.
Not sure how I'll deal with work without it...I know, I know, I've done it already this week...but seriously...not good.
Gotta be responsible for myself...I'll see what I can do.
Now start praying to the money gods so that they send lots of money my way!!!
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come home soon!