Five days down...two to go...
Sobriety still sucks...but I think the worst is over.
The first few days were torture...but I think now I've gotten a little more accustomed to it.
Can't say I like being so clear headed...but I'm trying to use this time wisely. Emotionally anyway...can't say much for my productivity...
Spent hours chatting with my darling Doineanta online which helped me immensly.
I mean, I can complain about my limited social interactions, but I'll always be grateful and indebted to my friends at home who take the time to chat with me!
***
I have a lot to think about...
I have lots of things that need to be done before I take off into the sunset...
Registering my van...servicing her brakes and attending to that CV joint...
Planning on what to take with me...dumping the rest...
Possibly selling some things?
Getting my utilities turned off from here...
Forwarding my mail...
Ordering my tool set from school and having it sent to Cali.
Lots of things...details...
Not to mention staying inspired, hopeful, and motivated to begin and build an entirely new life in a state I've never even been to. In a field I'd never worked in professionally. Living in a house with 7 other people...after so many years on my own?
But when I take the time to meditate, Josh and his situation is the only thing that comes to mind.
I'm so overwhelmed with fear and sadness I can't think of anything else.
I can't tell him how scared or how sad I am for him.
I want to be at least one person who's not freaking out on him.
But the truth is...I am. I'm freaking hard core. And I'm freaking out alone out here.
I owe a lot to my love Whosyourlibra who has offered me more comfort and support than I could possibly ask for.
And part of me doesn't want to accept that I'm leaving NYC behind. It took so long to build my life almost exactly how I wanted it to be...at least socially...and I chose THAT moment to take off.
Part of me is mourning the city I love so much.
Rockefeller plaza at Christmas...
Sheeps meadow just about any time...
The Halloween parade...
That dominican place I got my hair cut...
The fountain in Washington Square park...
Happy hour margaritas at Paladar...
Lunchtime field trips to Babes in Toyland...
Is this just some form of California Cold Feet?
Or am I really doubting my decision to go west?
What do I think I'm going to find there?
Y'know...taking a look at this journal...it's no big surprise to me that without alcohol I've been breaking into tears randomly...and having a new emotion every five minutes.
No...I suppose it's no wonder I need a fucking drink.
Two days to go...two days to go...
***EDITED TO ADD***
Not that she's at all an afterthought...in fact, she's probably the best friend I've never met...
But I had to add...that always...just in the nick of time...when I'm getting lost in my homesickness...and fear of The Big Move...my pea in a pod ,Sinatrasdoll, reminds me of what I'll find in California...the sunsets over the pacific...which I've only seen in the movies...and that 'wierd little town' I'll be moving to
Y'know...I might be isolated as fuck out here...but I still have the best friends in the world
Sobriety still sucks...but I think the worst is over.
The first few days were torture...but I think now I've gotten a little more accustomed to it.
Can't say I like being so clear headed...but I'm trying to use this time wisely. Emotionally anyway...can't say much for my productivity...
Spent hours chatting with my darling Doineanta online which helped me immensly.
I mean, I can complain about my limited social interactions, but I'll always be grateful and indebted to my friends at home who take the time to chat with me!
***
I have a lot to think about...
I have lots of things that need to be done before I take off into the sunset...
Registering my van...servicing her brakes and attending to that CV joint...
Planning on what to take with me...dumping the rest...
Possibly selling some things?
Getting my utilities turned off from here...
Forwarding my mail...
Ordering my tool set from school and having it sent to Cali.
Lots of things...details...
Not to mention staying inspired, hopeful, and motivated to begin and build an entirely new life in a state I've never even been to. In a field I'd never worked in professionally. Living in a house with 7 other people...after so many years on my own?
But when I take the time to meditate, Josh and his situation is the only thing that comes to mind.
I'm so overwhelmed with fear and sadness I can't think of anything else.
I can't tell him how scared or how sad I am for him.
I want to be at least one person who's not freaking out on him.
But the truth is...I am. I'm freaking hard core. And I'm freaking out alone out here.
I owe a lot to my love Whosyourlibra who has offered me more comfort and support than I could possibly ask for.
And part of me doesn't want to accept that I'm leaving NYC behind. It took so long to build my life almost exactly how I wanted it to be...at least socially...and I chose THAT moment to take off.
Part of me is mourning the city I love so much.
Rockefeller plaza at Christmas...
Sheeps meadow just about any time...
The Halloween parade...
That dominican place I got my hair cut...
The fountain in Washington Square park...
Happy hour margaritas at Paladar...
Lunchtime field trips to Babes in Toyland...
Is this just some form of California Cold Feet?
Or am I really doubting my decision to go west?
What do I think I'm going to find there?
Y'know...taking a look at this journal...it's no big surprise to me that without alcohol I've been breaking into tears randomly...and having a new emotion every five minutes.
No...I suppose it's no wonder I need a fucking drink.
Two days to go...two days to go...
***EDITED TO ADD***
Not that she's at all an afterthought...in fact, she's probably the best friend I've never met...
But I had to add...that always...just in the nick of time...when I'm getting lost in my homesickness...and fear of The Big Move...my pea in a pod ,Sinatrasdoll, reminds me of what I'll find in California...the sunsets over the pacific...which I've only seen in the movies...and that 'wierd little town' I'll be moving to
Y'know...I might be isolated as fuck out here...but I still have the best friends in the world
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meanwhile, I'll content myself with monopolizing your weekends!