Sobriety sucks...
Four days down...three days to go...
Not that I don't enjoy not waking up without a hang over...
Not that I don't enjoy not falling asleep/passing out in this here armchair instead of making it into bed...
Still...sobriety sucks ass...
My friend Aaron, who's also recently given up the drink in liue of medication, says that he's come to enjoy it. He states that he's gotten really clear headed.
I thought being clear headed might be something I could enjoy too. I remember being clear headed in my life some time ago...
All it's done for me recently is take the blur away and show me, in stark colors just how lonely I am out here.
I'm no longer spending my days at school.
No longer having Josh come over after school to keep me company. No longer showing up to work with interesting stories about my day.
Nope...my social interactions these days are restricted to IMing with friends from home and hanging with the girls at work, most of whom I can't stand anyway.
***
We'll not even go into how much work sucks without being drunk. It's nearly impossible to make it through my shift. To listen to the girls fighting with each other. To do what I need to do. What I'm there to do.
***
You'd think that being sober...I'd move a little faster through my life...through my day...but that isn't how it's turned out.
No...instead I move slowly...weighed down by all the thoughts in my head I can't escape.
Overwhelmed with a mysterious sadness, I nearly broke down in tears while trying to pick out the ice cream I wanted...and again in the parking lot when all I could think was how much I wanted to go home...not to my apartment...but home-home...
Even meditation doesn't seem to ease it.
Thoughts just keep swirling in my head, never settling down to let me make any sense of them.
Maybe, just maybe...today will be the day I have some big breakthrough? Maybe tomorrow?
Maybe it will be the last minute...on the last day of my forced sobriety...
Then again, maybe not.
Four days down...three days to go...
Not that I don't enjoy not waking up without a hang over...
Not that I don't enjoy not falling asleep/passing out in this here armchair instead of making it into bed...
Still...sobriety sucks ass...
My friend Aaron, who's also recently given up the drink in liue of medication, says that he's come to enjoy it. He states that he's gotten really clear headed.
I thought being clear headed might be something I could enjoy too. I remember being clear headed in my life some time ago...
All it's done for me recently is take the blur away and show me, in stark colors just how lonely I am out here.
I'm no longer spending my days at school.
No longer having Josh come over after school to keep me company. No longer showing up to work with interesting stories about my day.
Nope...my social interactions these days are restricted to IMing with friends from home and hanging with the girls at work, most of whom I can't stand anyway.
***
We'll not even go into how much work sucks without being drunk. It's nearly impossible to make it through my shift. To listen to the girls fighting with each other. To do what I need to do. What I'm there to do.
***
You'd think that being sober...I'd move a little faster through my life...through my day...but that isn't how it's turned out.
No...instead I move slowly...weighed down by all the thoughts in my head I can't escape.
Overwhelmed with a mysterious sadness, I nearly broke down in tears while trying to pick out the ice cream I wanted...and again in the parking lot when all I could think was how much I wanted to go home...not to my apartment...but home-home...
Even meditation doesn't seem to ease it.
Thoughts just keep swirling in my head, never settling down to let me make any sense of them.
Maybe, just maybe...today will be the day I have some big breakthrough? Maybe tomorrow?
Maybe it will be the last minute...on the last day of my forced sobriety...
Then again, maybe not.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
rockadiva:
I quit drinking quite as much as I used to, (I used to drink everynight, now its only like once a week), but have you ever noticed that its when you are on prescription meds that you aren't allowed to drink on, is when you want to drink the most? I did, and I just finished 10 days of antibiotics, boy oh boy, did i wanna drink, and at the social d show I went ahead and did just that... 
bettie1950:
Sobriety does suck, but after awhile you get used to it. It's strange when you haven't had a drink or smoke in awhile and then you do, and you're drunk off one or two shots, when it used to take 10! The one plus side of a brief stint of sobriety...