I'm looking at certain parts of my inner workings...
I wonder if I'm still infact insane (yes lovelies there was a period in my life in which I was bereft of normal mental functions SERIOUSLY). I've noticed that I dont exactly think the way other people do. I dont think they way I used to either. Its more evident in some areas than others. I seem to be unable to function in a "normal" academic environment. I wasnt always the best at that despite being rather intelligent and having a love for learning (I never liked doing busy work but now I am unable to even FATHOM it)
My relationships are similar but subtely different. Paranoia comes FAR easier now but also strangely enough does social interaction. I'm easier going than I used to be, far less shy. I care less what people think about me and spent large amounts of time thinking of ways to offend people I dont like. Now mind you these arent the reasons why I think I might be insane. These are the changes I've noticed in myself since, well.... THEN.
I occasionaly see things that I wonder if they are there. I hear whispers sometimes. I imagine things.... that arent considered "normal." But I never act on them. Usually I dont even have the urge to act on them. My impulse control has always been satisfactury.
The thing I question the most is.... Do I care? I am able to have relatively normal relationships both romantic and otherwise. I din't hurt people. I dont WANT to hurt people. I spend most of my time thinking. Everything I write here I've written dozens of times in my head. Hell the person I'm the most hard on is myself.... and I dont want to hurt myself. So I ask... so what if I AM still insane. My medication seems to keep me stable enough to function in your society, to play by your rules. But damn it I want to be a little bit crazy. I can see "outside the box". Maybe instead of thinking I should get help you should just let me live my life outside of yours. Unfortunately that can only go so far. I have to get a job use your money, blah blah blah. If I felt like I could walk away from everything I would and still be able to do something with my life I would. But alas I must stay. There are perks to that though. Girls for example.... one in particular....
oh well. If I'm nuts lock me in a jacket that makes me hug myself and feed me applesauce. If not enjoy the fucken ride!!!!
I wonder if I'm still infact insane (yes lovelies there was a period in my life in which I was bereft of normal mental functions SERIOUSLY). I've noticed that I dont exactly think the way other people do. I dont think they way I used to either. Its more evident in some areas than others. I seem to be unable to function in a "normal" academic environment. I wasnt always the best at that despite being rather intelligent and having a love for learning (I never liked doing busy work but now I am unable to even FATHOM it)
My relationships are similar but subtely different. Paranoia comes FAR easier now but also strangely enough does social interaction. I'm easier going than I used to be, far less shy. I care less what people think about me and spent large amounts of time thinking of ways to offend people I dont like. Now mind you these arent the reasons why I think I might be insane. These are the changes I've noticed in myself since, well.... THEN.
I occasionaly see things that I wonder if they are there. I hear whispers sometimes. I imagine things.... that arent considered "normal." But I never act on them. Usually I dont even have the urge to act on them. My impulse control has always been satisfactury.
The thing I question the most is.... Do I care? I am able to have relatively normal relationships both romantic and otherwise. I din't hurt people. I dont WANT to hurt people. I spend most of my time thinking. Everything I write here I've written dozens of times in my head. Hell the person I'm the most hard on is myself.... and I dont want to hurt myself. So I ask... so what if I AM still insane. My medication seems to keep me stable enough to function in your society, to play by your rules. But damn it I want to be a little bit crazy. I can see "outside the box". Maybe instead of thinking I should get help you should just let me live my life outside of yours. Unfortunately that can only go so far. I have to get a job use your money, blah blah blah. If I felt like I could walk away from everything I would and still be able to do something with my life I would. But alas I must stay. There are perks to that though. Girls for example.... one in particular....
oh well. If I'm nuts lock me in a jacket that makes me hug myself and feed me applesauce. If not enjoy the fucken ride!!!!
nocturnal_dalle:
You left me a comment 1/24 from a comment I left you I don't remember when. I saw you on the Bipolar group. I really need to check this site more often. Ha! Yeah, know what you mean about your last entry. I've been on short term disability for mental reasons for over 7 months now. Getting paid more than unemployment to sit at home is not bad. Going on long term soon as its approved till I get a job. Winter sucks for me. I hate the games I must play in this f'ed up world to get by, but that's life, right? All I have is the nights I go out and party with my friends and have fun. The rest of the time I sit here and rot. What a life. To be a part of the working world I have to fake it unless someone wants to pay me for the talents I can't seem to get motivated enough to pursue on my own. Or have enough money to start my own business. Good luck to you. Medication helps to a point, but never enough I fear.
artsaves1228:
heh i wish i had telepathic abilities! but hes home now....whoa....im going to beat his ass now for making me worry 
