holiday

so lately i have been feeling like crap. not just physically but also emotionaly and mentaly. i have had no motivation for anything......just sleep, i cry everyday, i pick fights with hubby, im loseing my sex drive (and let me tell you...i have a very healthy sex drive!) and it wasnt untill this weekend did i put it all together and realize that im depressed. ive been here before......i do not want to be here anymore. the root of my depression is my job. i have this title of office manager but im nothing more then a glorified slave. i get yelled at for things that are out of my control (such as the bosses son not doing his job) even though not only was i promised a raise months ago (and when asked about it was told that i dont deserve one, although no reason was given) i also carry around a lot of responsibility (the credit cards, check book and petty cash) and the guys who build pallets all make more money then me. even the ones who get fired every other week but then a day or two later get rehired. we have this bonus system where if we reach a certain total in sales ($40,000 = $100, $50,000 = $250) part of the deal is that you have to be there the entire week to get the bonus.....anyways,we had a major deal go through where one company bought $70,000 worth of pallets.....the deal went through one week but payment wasnt recieved for a few weeks. so it wasnt accounted for till payment was recieved. heres the best part. i missed a few days one week for my sisters wedding...the following monday was when the guy was comming in to pay (which means i would have been able to get a bonus) however my boss (who is also my moms boyfriend by the way) went to the guys house on saturday and DEMANDED payment then and there and not on monday, so he paid and the sale went onto the week i was gone so i didnt get a bonus and he gave his son a $2000 bonus. fucking pissed. there are so many other things that upset me about this place im not even gunna bother telling you about them. bottom line, being here is making me have low self esteem, self worth and self confidence. it is affecting my well being as well as my relationship with the man of my dreams. so, im out of here asap. seriously, working at taco bell will make me feel better about myself.

so update on the kitties.....triscit is good. shes growing fast and is a little pisser who likes to bite my toes when i sleep. our other kitty twinkie that i found in a dumpster died =(. it was just too small and was abandond by its mom too soon.

our apartment is comming along nicely. one piece at a time.

other then that......there really is nothing else!

xoxox