holdena

It comes and goes a lot now... it had been, what, maybe a week? This afternoon it ht full force.... it really did feel like it physically hit me...

I woke up a little bloody... actually a little around my head this time. I'll have to wash my hair soon, so no one notices. And the dreams.... I know I tell myself it's all psyco samatic... that its just my head, dealing with stress I can't deal with, or won't acsept is there.. but deep down... i think inside i don't buy that exscuse 100%.

One day it will be time to up for our dues. One day we will all have to balance our acounts..


And it dawned on me yesterday that no one has ever really asked... I'm not sure if its that I am hesitent to talk about it, or if no one really wants to know. It was odd though, having Sam Clemens ask about it, finally, after all of these years. I guess though for a long time he never knew. I mean, he saw the painting I did of myself bloody, but I guess he had misunderstood it.