hobocop

what did the hand say to the face? SLAP!
I'm rick james, bitch!

i'm going to be a nude model for blind finger painters.

i don't look like a man. i look like a little kid in man disguise.

i ate a sackful of krystals at 3am last night. can you guess what i did before that?

what the hell kind of place closes at 1? i had not yet begun to drink.

i keep having dreams where my teeth either just fall out or get knocked out. what in the name of sweet happy moses does that mean?

i live a life of fritos and masturbation. not necessarily in that order.

it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited, but they didn't come because they don't know me that well and thought it might be weird.

you probably didn't know this, but tomorrow is another day.

it's 7:30 and i've drank almost a pint of whiskey. good thing i'm wearing my drinkin' pants.

today at work some shopper saw the local 'thugs' stealing stuff and called the police. the cops came and caught one of them with a spool of blank cd's worth about fifteen bucks. they asked me if the kid could pay for it or if i wanted him to take a ride. i, being the heartless bastard that i am, said 'let him take a...
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i'm thinking about submitting the following as a question for jeopardy

'this makes a noise like a boot stuck in mud, only wetter.'

anybody know the answer?
what's your jeopardy question?