All my life I've wanted to be 'that' girl. The girl everyone knows, everyone likes, and everyone envies. It's what you dream of when people treat you like utter shit in middle school. Problem for me is, it didn't stop in middle school, so that dream has stuck with me.

I didn't really have friends till about a year ago. I had people I thought I was friends with, but in the end I guess it wasn't mutual. So, I always thought something was wrong with me. Still do. I'm not 'that' girl. Not to even a few people. Not even to one person. I've never been someone's best friend, and every time I think I have a best friend I'm standing out on a limb by myself only to be pushed off of it. No friends, no significant other... what's wrong with me?

The only thing that keeps me alive is this one quote. A slight sliver within me believes it's the truth of what's going on with me, but I feel selfish whenever I agree to it (another consequence of what I grew up with, I always feel bad for thinking/feeling the ways that I do):

“You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.”

Fun fact: first time I heard that quote I thought it was from Alice in Wonderland