Wednesday Apr 28, 2010

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sometimes i wish I could collapse into myself. entropic existential exhaustion.

so yes - I met a girl in a bar - totally and absolutely happenstance - months ago.

and we grew a shining to one another.

BUT - like most buts - it ended.

after three weeks i got closure with her tonight.

she told me, in confidence, that I was a fantastic guy - but ultimately not her bag.

I don't know what that means, I tried to get her to clarify.

And now a few hours removed - I think it is what it IS

I wasn't her idea of a long term relationship

and thank heavens I'm trying to join up - or I might apply unnecessary pressure to the situation.


so here I am, thinking about life, women, and the military AS

I talk to my brother on facebook after four months of NOT because he's been deployed in south east asia.

life is life


complain - and it'll pass you by.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hedy:
'grew a shining to one another' sounds like a potentially bad thing...or a beautiful thing. i'm not sure which.
himes:
Well I think the idea is that we grew more attentive to one another and through that attentiveness, through that "shining" we discovered more of what we wanted individually.

the outcome: I know in my heart that monogamous emotional/intimate relaitonships are what I want. And while she share a similar view - she ended up not feeling that the monogamy existed in ours.

"you are a great guy, I just do not want a relationship with you, I do not want to date you."

I'm duely impressed because that is wonderfully honest. i cannot fault her in that approach.

All I could do is spend sometime inside - contemplate why I feel the way I do, find a little peace, and move on.


in a sense - that all we can do as a species "contemplate why I feel the way I do, find a little peace, and move on" WITH a healthy dose of "Learn from your mistakes."

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