himes

I still love you. Or what my be construed as love - was it? nevermind that love business.

I still desire you. To take you to ground - to lift your body again past pleasure and reason to a pain just so sweet - it blanks your mind and clips your spinal cord.

I want to fuck you numb. with a jackhammer and a few well placed bites.

I see you when i want - my specter - my haunting and yet your flesh is warm, your eyes, though terrible, are still wet - you breath drawn mechanically as intended by the base of your skull - you are alive out there.

There

that place - our living world.

Yet - you only exist between my ears - the signal station - the den of a jester out to mess with this boy tonight.

my apparition, I know not the past four years of your life. I carry YOU. Like a cheap photograph across frontlines. Like a letter on a prison wall prefume stench ever so slight as it fades from my nostrils. YOU are NOT real. you evaporate into my mind.

but I can still touch your skin, I can still taste your heat, I can feel your grip as your steady your palms on the wall.

I feel you, babe. better than numbness, i say.

We had that final fuck.

but never the kiss goodbye.

And my soul has lurked the riverbank ever since.













Seeing an old flame is a complicated experience. Mine lives across town - though i've never "bumped" into her on the subway or street. there is a force keeping us apart. And though I'll admit I'm comfortable with never being near her again - I can only wonder why are we so magnetically repellent when living in the land of ironic encounters and "small worlds"

I'm sure there is a reason out there.

but this is my own.

We can't be together again.

because we'd fuck so hard we'd destroy the planet.