himes

Late night grumblings....

I am a burning little boy - and not in the venereal sense.

I have a ghost - she follows me around in the back of my head - poking, prodding, and distant.

I think she used to be an angel - at times a demon - but then she was mine and I hers and all in all - a unit.

But how do I still stand three years after her diappearance from any role in my life - still a bit damaged - haunted.

It certainly affected my sex life - I almost went two years without another body to share my bed.

And even recently I can't bring myself to trust the fairer sex with nothing more than a handshake and a kiss.

It's quite sad - but I'm still hung up on an old flame. A flame that burned me too long ago to even matter.

I try to purge - I write songs, smoke cigarettes, admire other pixies - but the mere sight of her (more often than not the supposed sight of her) on the street - pierces my belly like a hot iron - as if i'm being run through from the top of my heart straight through my gut.

I sadly miss her - but more tragically humorous, I miss the way she looked at me.

my mind has changed - my body too, and what should be a fond memory of a youthful love - is a near constant reminder of fair failure.

Indeed I am not at peace.

And the poor girl I've been seeing lately gets the axe.

She's just not strong enough - she doesn't hurt enough

She does not have the capacity to rip my heart out.

And I will not rest until I set upon another woman

who can destroy me with a glance.

if you've ever wondered how to catch a man like me - well that's the secret.