himadhaman

maybe its cause its friday, and friday is the day for doing these things, but all day long i've been assaulted with singularity. Like i'm in the third grade again, but instead of all the old reasons, i'm being mocked for being half a person.
Now its 1 am, an hour i'm all too familiar with. i hate being awake at 1 am. i've got nothing to look forward to tomorrow. at this point, i'm trying to think of something to do to waste time. i'm supposed to get drunk tomorrow night, but it won't happen. i'll make an excuse. not because i don't wanna drink, but i'm feeling exposed, i'm feeling unsafe, so i'm in mask mode. i'm lying about trivial shit, about anything, just so i can feel safe for a few seconds.
i was wandering around downtown, and i spent the whole time having an imaginary conversation with someone, except that it wasn't much of a conversation. when i did reply to the inquiries being directed my err. direction... i lied, and lied monosyllabically. which is pretty out of character for me, but i think thats the point.

i read a book over the summer about a guy who helped compile the oxford english dictionary. he was crazy. like schizophrenic crazy. i've been thinking a lot about him lately.