I've been into this guy I met online for almost 3 years now. We stopped talking for awhile and it wasn't till last year in February that we reconnected. We talk almost everyday and I am more into him than I've ever been in my life. The problem? He's 3,000+ miles away and I can't get a job. He doesn't want to be in a relationship now and honestly I need to work on myself before I'm in one so that creates tension because it's kind of like we are in a ldr without actually being in one. I can't see myself meeting him when I can't get a job I've tried so hard for months and nothing. I don't see a future with him anytime soon and it hurts me because the obvious distance and strain. I love him and I've never told him because I know he has fears of the word love and I do, too. We had a massive fight tonight that left us both drained because I want to leave for good if I can't get a job I don't want told hold him back. We aren't in a relationship, so we are free to date but as long as he's in my life it would be so unfair for me to go on a date when all I'm thinking about is someone else. It got so draining that he said I love you for the first time. I just don't know what to do. Staying hurts me because I can't be there and I don't see myself there anytime soon but leaving will also hurt because he puts a smile on my face when nobody else can. He makes me comfortable and safe. I get butterflies when I see his face or hear his voice on Skype.I've never had feelings like this for anyone in my 24 years so I'm stuck. Do I stay and be really depressed about not seeing myself with him soon or leave the person I love and would do anything for because I don't want to hold him back?
It's 7 am so it's too early to drink I need to find a funny movie or show.
