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highsenberg

neverland

Member Since 2013

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i literally have no other place to write a blog like this

May 3, 2014
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I've been into this guy I met online for almost 3 years now. We stopped talking for awhile and it wasn't till last year in February that we reconnected. We talk almost everyday and I am more into him than I've ever been in my life. The problem? He's 3,000+ miles away and I can't get a job. He doesn't want to be in a relationship now and honestly I need to work on myself before I'm in one so that creates tension because it's kind of like we are in a ldr without actually being in one. I can't see myself meeting him when I can't get a job I've tried so hard for months and nothing. I don't see a future with him anytime soon and it hurts me because the obvious distance and strain. I love him and I've never told him because I know he has fears of the word love and I do, too. We had a massive fight tonight that left us both drained because I want to leave for good if I can't get a job I don't want told hold him back. We aren't in a relationship, so we are free to date but as long as he's in my life it would be so unfair for me to go on a date when all I'm thinking about is someone else. It got so draining that he said I love you for the first time. I just don't know what to do. Staying hurts me because I can't be there and I don't see myself there anytime soon but leaving will also hurt because he puts a smile on my face when nobody else can. He makes me comfortable and safe. I get butterflies when I see his face or hear his voice on Skype.I've never had feelings like this for anyone in my 24 years so I'm stuck. Do I stay and be really depressed about not seeing myself with him soon or leave the person I love and would do anything for because I don't want to hold him back?

It's 7 am so it's too early to drink I need to find a funny movie or show.

ttaylorr:
You obviously care about this person a lot, and I can't imagine that stopping. I think you should keep working towards meeting him. 
May 3, 2014
lord_renob:
Hmmm.  This is tough because even though you obviously love him dearly and don't want to 'hold him back' you have to think about you holding yourself back, too.  What I mean is while you stay focused on him and hopefully meeting him some day you may miss the same opportunity with someone close by.  It's a tough situation and I wish I had an easy answre for you.  I guess the first question is are you even interested in getting into the local dating scene?  Also since you aren't in a relationship with him I don't see why you'd have to "leave" him.  Seems to me he's a great friend, no reason to get rid of that is there?
May 17, 2014

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