Current Music: Mogwai - Hunted By A Freak
"And those by themselves by choice or by some reward. No mistakes only now you're bored. This is the time of your life but you just can't tell" - SWR. Here's another night of nothing. Was gonna try to do something but i can't, i'm just me and as always i play it safe and take the easy way out. As they say, nothing gambled, nothing gained... or did i just make that up, it sounds right. The problem is that everytime i put something out there it blows up in my face... or at least doesn't work. It's come to the point where i merely think of it as being rational, why try things that don't ever work. Don't do anything ever in life and you won't get hurt. But now i'm trapped in a place that i don't like, oh i have the key but i'm too afraid to use it cause i know i won't like whats out there. After long enough though you start questioning, " is that really whats out there?" "maybe i'm wrong, i haven't seen the world in so long" only theres nowhere i want to go and nothing i want to do. i want to have somewhere i want to go, i want to have something i want to do, this is all reminding me of a dashboard confessional song and i'm not sure if thats how i want to sound right now, but its whats coming out. I mean there is good stuff going on in my life too, but as always the bad seems to be outweighing the good so i focus on the negative. How do you change that? i don't know. I can always drown my sorrows, i can shut down, i'm starting to get better at it, i used to be terrible at shutting down, it'd all still be there at the surface, though i do have one time in mind when i vividly remember going, "why aren't i more sad? there is something sad going on and i am not reacting." well as soon as i said that i broke down, i hadn't realized the wall i had built, maybe i've anesthetized (sic) myself enough and i'll be able to keep scraping by with never even a crack in the facade, and no one will notice cause who would bother. This isn't about anyone or anything else, other situations and people allow me to see myself in ways that i don't normally, so when i realize this stuff it's odd and i want to write about it. I always say all great art comes from pain... not that this is great art, i am just trying to get used to expressing my thoughts and pain without such selfconsciousness or how am i gonna write lyrics, how will i be able to write what i feel if i'm scared of others opinions. Alright this has gotten to the point of rambling, its time to drink the pain away.
Adios,
IAmFromTheFuture
"And those by themselves by choice or by some reward. No mistakes only now you're bored. This is the time of your life but you just can't tell" - SWR. Here's another night of nothing. Was gonna try to do something but i can't, i'm just me and as always i play it safe and take the easy way out. As they say, nothing gambled, nothing gained... or did i just make that up, it sounds right. The problem is that everytime i put something out there it blows up in my face... or at least doesn't work. It's come to the point where i merely think of it as being rational, why try things that don't ever work. Don't do anything ever in life and you won't get hurt. But now i'm trapped in a place that i don't like, oh i have the key but i'm too afraid to use it cause i know i won't like whats out there. After long enough though you start questioning, " is that really whats out there?" "maybe i'm wrong, i haven't seen the world in so long" only theres nowhere i want to go and nothing i want to do. i want to have somewhere i want to go, i want to have something i want to do, this is all reminding me of a dashboard confessional song and i'm not sure if thats how i want to sound right now, but its whats coming out. I mean there is good stuff going on in my life too, but as always the bad seems to be outweighing the good so i focus on the negative. How do you change that? i don't know. I can always drown my sorrows, i can shut down, i'm starting to get better at it, i used to be terrible at shutting down, it'd all still be there at the surface, though i do have one time in mind when i vividly remember going, "why aren't i more sad? there is something sad going on and i am not reacting." well as soon as i said that i broke down, i hadn't realized the wall i had built, maybe i've anesthetized (sic) myself enough and i'll be able to keep scraping by with never even a crack in the facade, and no one will notice cause who would bother. This isn't about anyone or anything else, other situations and people allow me to see myself in ways that i don't normally, so when i realize this stuff it's odd and i want to write about it. I always say all great art comes from pain... not that this is great art, i am just trying to get used to expressing my thoughts and pain without such selfconsciousness or how am i gonna write lyrics, how will i be able to write what i feel if i'm scared of others opinions. Alright this has gotten to the point of rambling, its time to drink the pain away.
Adios,
IAmFromTheFuture