Well that lost me my job.
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It may help.
I am too far away and Im finding interpreting your words difficult without the ability to ask questions.
Finding a mentor or counselor does not mean surrender. You have every right to interview them as well. Find someone who can relate to you and that you respect.
You need to build a bridge into the collective world. It seems that your spinning off into your imagination.
As for incident or provocation I really dont know your inference. As for the Guild you are still a member and on my friends list as these are privileges and honors, please do not take advantage. If you would like changes or such drop me a line for recommendations.
Otherwise weather the storm well