From her came the fear. Like: your house burning down or a really high speed car crash would scare anyone, if only for a second. Clench and rationalise and pretty soon it's over.
Only now with my two best female friends, both ex lovers, my voice doesn't cut, my humour doesn't surface, I make myself small.
How do you get over being scared of everything? Right now I don't even know if I could climbe up on that mini-bus with my guitar and sing to my Romanian sweetheart; those things, like concerts and nudity, were easy plung-pool defiance, though my shyness prevailed when I met knew people.
So, caged, I attempt to engage with a world that's moving way too fast without me but headed nowhere I wanna go: flash cards of poodles and three pin plugs.
I can't write songs with the band anymore, a vacuum packed T-shirt. So I quit last thursday, at least until the summer.
I know the feeling of being scared of everyone, its a feeling I know too well and embrace along with the comfortable state of depression.
Keep focused on each day- remember: clear horizons ahead.
xx