So my orders have finally ended and I can return home to AZ where my job, friends and family are at. However, today I just learned that my civilian job has posted me in the far reaches of the state where it is very remote and empty. Sadly this means that I have to be away form everyone I know for another long period of time, and in a place where I will not have many of the amenities that I am used to. It sucks that I have to spend even more time by myself as the perpetual loner without a choice, but I'm determined to see this through. In many ways, my new home is more dangerous to me then when I was overseas, which is sad as I'm in the United States now, which in theory should be one of the safest places in the planet. I personally believe, however, that the biggest danger to me is myself, and having to deal with the stress and anxiety without anyone to really be able to help me. I fear encountering a critical incident that will leave me shattered mentally, without the resources I had in the fleet to help me, and being unable to cope. Such lonely postings like this are hard, and I worry that I might be pushed to far. I have always had someone there who could help me, guide me, and provide the shoulder on which I could lean. Now I am my own backup, and I hope that I am able to not only overcome, but succeed in this new chapter of my life.
