Do you ever wonder.........
Do you ever wonder your own state of thinking?
Do you ever talk to yourself in your head and wonder if your crazy? Do you ever wonder if the thoughts in your head are abnormal and do you just think way too much? Do you ever think you project yourself as a pity party, yet cant ever get anyone to to inquire about your thoughts unless you do?
Im going through one of my mood right now, so fear not I am indeed okay.
The past 24hrs have been the strangest.....
I have gone from probablly the most confident, comforted, happy person, to a sulking wasteland of "oh shit-now what". Let me be open here, more then normal. I have had a friend who we ended up "together", for her protection and mine I shant say more into that. Anyhow I encourage her to read my journals to get to know the deeper side of me. I dont hide much in these people. I wear it out on my sleeve. Anywho, I was excited to see her again tonight and I think she changed her mind about it due to reading my letter to my ex-wife.
Now this is the thing. Yes It Sucks! Yes I love her, have forgiven her and wanted to extend her an invite to return home. But It was a one time thing, and I have been hurt since then by her ( the Ex not the other girl). And she (the other not the ex) I think looked at that as negative. She said "I am looking to fill the void".
Im not trying to fill the void, I mearly love affection and miss loving and being in love. Wether it be her or her or anyone else, I CAN go without it and will. I just want to experience all other emotions in the meantime.
This is an announcement to everyone..
You can feel more then one emotion at a time. I dont think it is right to feel lust, love and compassion at the same time, but it happens. You cannot ignore your mind, if you do then you are not being true to YOURSELF. Is this wrong? And does this make me an asshole?
ON the most possitive note possible
I went from post, Im, webcam, voicechat, text message, and phone conversation with one of the most amazing people I have yet met on this site. Everyone is awsome but she has an added spark about her.
She is : aSHICAWGOgirl
I have to admit I am glad she lives far away. If she lived closer I would want to meet her and just get to know her so much. She is unbelievably intellegent, radiant, and amazing and I enjoy every minute of conversation we have. I could get obsessed over such a wonderfull person.
But this emotion is one that makes my emotions strange, this is my down fall this is my weakness, this......is me.
Well, I have so much more to say, butI know my journal wont get read by everyone if I keep writing, so I'll shut up.....
BTW I cant wait to go to the next SGLA event, Those people fucking rock!
Ill get over my rut in an hour or so, but this is my entry for now.......
My Questions for you:
Tell me why you came to my page, honestly...
Tell me did you really read everyword in my journal, honestly?
Tell me does it wierd you out that this journal entry isnt the happy-go-lucky as my past ones?
Tell me does this journal entry effect your opinion of me?
And will you forgive my negativity when Im through my rut?
NOW ASK ME THREE QUESTIONS BI-OTCHES!!!
Do you ever wonder your own state of thinking?
Do you ever talk to yourself in your head and wonder if your crazy? Do you ever wonder if the thoughts in your head are abnormal and do you just think way too much? Do you ever think you project yourself as a pity party, yet cant ever get anyone to to inquire about your thoughts unless you do?
Im going through one of my mood right now, so fear not I am indeed okay.
The past 24hrs have been the strangest.....
I have gone from probablly the most confident, comforted, happy person, to a sulking wasteland of "oh shit-now what". Let me be open here, more then normal. I have had a friend who we ended up "together", for her protection and mine I shant say more into that. Anyhow I encourage her to read my journals to get to know the deeper side of me. I dont hide much in these people. I wear it out on my sleeve. Anywho, I was excited to see her again tonight and I think she changed her mind about it due to reading my letter to my ex-wife.
Now this is the thing. Yes It Sucks! Yes I love her, have forgiven her and wanted to extend her an invite to return home. But It was a one time thing, and I have been hurt since then by her ( the Ex not the other girl). And she (the other not the ex) I think looked at that as negative. She said "I am looking to fill the void".
Im not trying to fill the void, I mearly love affection and miss loving and being in love. Wether it be her or her or anyone else, I CAN go without it and will. I just want to experience all other emotions in the meantime.
This is an announcement to everyone..
You can feel more then one emotion at a time. I dont think it is right to feel lust, love and compassion at the same time, but it happens. You cannot ignore your mind, if you do then you are not being true to YOURSELF. Is this wrong? And does this make me an asshole?
ON the most possitive note possible
I went from post, Im, webcam, voicechat, text message, and phone conversation with one of the most amazing people I have yet met on this site. Everyone is awsome but she has an added spark about her.
She is : aSHICAWGOgirl
I have to admit I am glad she lives far away. If she lived closer I would want to meet her and just get to know her so much. She is unbelievably intellegent, radiant, and amazing and I enjoy every minute of conversation we have. I could get obsessed over such a wonderfull person.
But this emotion is one that makes my emotions strange, this is my down fall this is my weakness, this......is me.
Well, I have so much more to say, butI know my journal wont get read by everyone if I keep writing, so I'll shut up.....
BTW I cant wait to go to the next SGLA event, Those people fucking rock!
Ill get over my rut in an hour or so, but this is my entry for now.......
My Questions for you:
Tell me why you came to my page, honestly...
Tell me did you really read everyword in my journal, honestly?
Tell me does it wierd you out that this journal entry isnt the happy-go-lucky as my past ones?
Tell me does this journal entry effect your opinion of me?
And will you forgive my negativity when Im through my rut?
NOW ASK ME THREE QUESTIONS BI-OTCHES!!!
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
I did read every word. Otherwise, I wouldn't really know how you're doing.
It would wierd me out if all your entries were happy-go-lucky. It would also make me envious and slightly annoyed.
Yes, it did affect my opinion of you. But not in a bad way. It's always nice to see a comment like, "Do you ever wonder your own state of thinking? " Because I do wonder, and so at least I know I'm not the only one.
No. I'm not willing to forgive it. I only hand out forgiveness when people have done something wrong.
3 questions
1. Do you work better under preasure, or in a relaxed environment?
2. What was one of your favorite days?
3. What was the first thing you did when you seperated from the military.(And by that, I mean as a direct result of seperating, like: celebrate over beers, call a family member, gloat to a friend still in, cry into your pillow, etc.)
And the two I came to ask...
I'm applying at Union Pacific for train service, and it's asking for a refferal name. What's your last name?
And also, are you going drimking with SGLA tomorrow night? I'm probably going, but I can't afford to booze it up. My number is (760) 500-4406, but my phone's charging at the moment.
yes yes and yes.... I wonder my own state of thinking, that is why I read it all, usually I do not....
I heard a similar thing recently, about filling the void, and I totally agree with you, it is nice to have a person that you care about and can share things with, serious or not... Just makes everyday a bit brighter, I wish people understood that and did not have to make life more diffucult than it is...
Im in a rut too so it is ok fuckem if they cant deal with it, it is yur journal, so rut away....