Today was a good day.
I finally got motivated enough to clean my room, and move the furniture so it doesn't feel all wrong. And it looks amazing. I finally cleaned the bathroom (this was a kind of silent war between us and our housemate B cause he left beard hair all over the floor, do neither was touching it. I finally gave up. It literally took me less than sixty seconds to sweep) and instead of feeling defeated, I was just happy not to have to navigate the hair all over the floor. I chatted to some fantastic people on SG
And now it's 8pm and I'm holed up in my room, listening to Interpol and feeling alone and depressed. The Boy is yet to come home from work, an the roomy, B, has someone (S) over- by the way, those two used to be my best friends, now they spend all their time making fun of everything I like or ignoring me completely. I just don't get it, but it makes me feel unlovable, and like all the times I thought I was just a novelty friend, to play with for a little while then get rid of, is true. I used to be able to talk myself down, because I could look around at my friends and think "all these awesome people care about me". And now none of them could care less.
The only friend I feel like I can count on I gave up on for a long time, and I was lucky enough to get another chance, but when friends are dropping like flies around me, at what point do I have to consider it's me and not them?
Gah, depressing post. I'll check back in when I'm feeling cheerier.
I finally got motivated enough to clean my room, and move the furniture so it doesn't feel all wrong. And it looks amazing. I finally cleaned the bathroom (this was a kind of silent war between us and our housemate B cause he left beard hair all over the floor, do neither was touching it. I finally gave up. It literally took me less than sixty seconds to sweep) and instead of feeling defeated, I was just happy not to have to navigate the hair all over the floor. I chatted to some fantastic people on SG
And now it's 8pm and I'm holed up in my room, listening to Interpol and feeling alone and depressed. The Boy is yet to come home from work, an the roomy, B, has someone (S) over- by the way, those two used to be my best friends, now they spend all their time making fun of everything I like or ignoring me completely. I just don't get it, but it makes me feel unlovable, and like all the times I thought I was just a novelty friend, to play with for a little while then get rid of, is true. I used to be able to talk myself down, because I could look around at my friends and think "all these awesome people care about me". And now none of them could care less.
The only friend I feel like I can count on I gave up on for a long time, and I was lucky enough to get another chance, but when friends are dropping like flies around me, at what point do I have to consider it's me and not them?
Gah, depressing post. I'll check back in when I'm feeling cheerier.
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Ice Cube - Today Was a Good Day was a good day